From: Ouko joachim omolo
The News Dispatch with Omolo Beste
TUESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2012
Last Saturday Rev Fr Augustine Achaha of the Apostles of Jesus Missionaries presided over a wedding ceremony between Emily Matunda Mwafusi and Christopher Mwakatili Chorongo, one of its kind in 3 years at St Thomas Catholic Church in Magadi Soda, Ngong Diocese.
Basing his 37 minutes homily on extramarital sex and infidelity in marriage, Father Achaha caused laughter when he asked a question on what good do men get in other women’s wives that is not in their wives.
People laughed of course, but the truth of the matter is that cases of extramarital sex and infidelity in marriage are on the rise. Here in Kenya the act is popularly known in Swahili as ‘mpango wa kando’ (extramarital sex).
This is where a married man keeps a mistress elsewhere without the knowledge of his wife. A mistress is a long-term female lover and companion who is not married to her partner but can have children that the man must take care of as his rest of the lawful children.
The relationship generally is stable and at least semi-permanent; however, the couple does not live together openly. Also the relationship is usually, but not always, secret. There is an implication that a mistress may be “kept”—i.e., that the lover is paying for some of the woman’s living expenses including paying school fees for children and paying rent.
Because of its graveness this act may carry moral or religious and consequences in civil or religious law. It can lead to separation or divorce.
In Judaism the Torah prescribes the death penalty through stoning for adultery, which is defined as having sex with a woman who is married to another man. Two witnesses of good character had to testify in court for the case to be even considered by the judges.
Extramarital sex is considered to be immoral by most Christian groups, who base this primarily on passages like 1Cor 6:9-10: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts, nor those who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Extramarital sex has historically been considered to be one of the more serious and damaging sins, possibly because of passages like 1 Corinthians 6:18 that speak of it as sinning against one’s own body.
In Islam the law prescribes severe punishments extramarital sex, by both men and women. Premarital sex could be punished by up to 100 lashes, while adultery is punishable by stoning.
There are reasons men give for cheating on their wives. They do so because they have become unsatisfied with their wives. Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together.
There are five categories leading to infidelity. One is opportunistic infidelity which occurs when a partner is in love and attached to a partner, but surrenders to their sexual desire for someone else. The opportunistic infidelity is driven by irrepressible lust, situational circumstances and/or opportunity, and sometimes, pure risk-taking behavior.
The second category is obligatory infidelity based on fear that refraining from someone’s sexual advances will result in rejection, and being unwilling to handle such rejection, resulting in surrender to them. Some people end up cheating solely on the need for approval from somebody, even though they still hold a strong attraction to their committed partner.
The third category is romantic infidelity which occurs when the cheater is in the process of “falling out of love” with his/her partner. The person’s self-perceived obligatory commitment to the relationship’s tenets and overall life-meaning is likely the only thing still keeping them with their partner in this example.
The fourth category is conflicted romantic infidelity which takes place when a person both falls in love with and has a strong sexual desire for multiple people at one time, even though s/he may already be committed to a partner.
In this circumstance the person feels s/he cannot tell his/her committed partner about what has happened, but is nevertheless unable to resist the compulsion.
The fifth category is commemorative infidelity which occurs when a person has completely fallen out of love with their spouse, but is still in a committed relationship with them.
If divorce results from infidelity, research suggest that the “faithful” spouse may experience feelings of low life satisfaction and self esteem; they may also engage in future relationships fearful of the same incidence occurring. Divorce is one response to marital infidelity.
The church is concerned about these issues because marriage and the family are of fundamental importance for the Church and for society.
Fr Joachim Omolo Ouko, AJ
Tel +254 7350 14559/+254 722 623 578
Real change must come from ordinary people who refuse to be taken hostage by the weapons of politicians in the face of inequality, racism and oppression, but march together towards a clear and unambiguous goal.
-Anne Montgomery, RSCJ UN Disarmament Conference, 2002