19 thoughts on “Why go after my husband”

1. maurice oduor June 25, 2009 at 10:48 am

   —– Forwarded message from mauricejoduor@. . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:21:04 -0700 (PDT)
   From: maurice oduor
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Josh,

   Telling Joyce;

   “To me,,,,you also might have been the cause somehow.”

   is unwise, and quite honestly, unhelpful. You are rubbing it in her face.

   Courage,
   Maurice

   —– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:04:12 0300
   From: ed moses
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   *Taking it to another level….*
   **

   *1. Ladies here have psycho-analysed men, EACH of them on the basis of their a. experiences b. mothers’ advise c. their imaginations d. etc. so Joyce, expect more psycho-analyses though I doubt it will help*

   *2.Gentlemen here have thrown the buck back to you as a person so expect more of that second guessing because thats what we (Men) do when we feel remotely guilty of something similar. Most of us live in these glass houses so we’re scared to throw stones*

   *3.Marriage has never stopped ‘man’ from being ‘man’ and ‘woman’ from being ‘woman’ so, arent we asked to take the good with the bad; the sweet with the bitter?*

   *4.The relative nature of how well we enjoy the good and sweet vis-a-vis how much resolve and mettle we have to handle the bad and bitter would essentially be why we will give you 79 responses on this post;rarely any of which will help determine your resolve and mettle to handle the situation*

   *5.This issue is sooo personal between you and your God and then between the two of you and your God that I’m sure you only wrote to vent becoz its therapeutic but not to seek answers or solutions because you have them already*

   *6.Once again, pole*

   —– Forwarded message from FNdungu@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:15:36 0300
   From: Florence Ndungu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Bwana Washington you are one of the very few men in this forum that I think I really admire and respect. I thank God for you.

   Regards

   Florence N.

   —– Forwarded message from nginaelizabeth@ . . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 22:50:23 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Ngina
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   So what you are trying to tell us PO is that if your wife went out with your friend for a month and its ok? Why do I get the feeling that gender inequality will apply here?

   Yesterday is only a dream, tomorrow only a vision, but today – we live. If we live as we should, our yesterdays will be dreams of happiness, and our tomorrow’s will be visions of hope. May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder. ©

   ~Barbara A Bailey~

   —– Forwarded message from bethsoni@ . . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:32:09 -0700 (PDT)
   From: beth muthoni
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Joyce,

   Am sorry about your situation but i totally completely agree with Mercy. You blaming the wrong person. Your husband knows he is married to you and should therefore he is responsible for allowing the affair to happen. As much as we might want to say your girlfriend was to blame for the affair, your man should have cut off any advances from the lady from the first day. But it also could be your husband made the advances. I would advice you to sit and talk to your man and pray hard for him that he be faithful and respect your marriage vows.

   Thankyou!

   Beth Nyaga

   —– Forwarded message from mauricejoduor@ . . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:17:03 -0700 (PDT)
   From: maurice oduor
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Philip,

   For some reason, I get the feeling that your comments respecting Joyce’s situation are bordering on the insensitive.

   Courage,
   Maurice

   —– Forwarded message from mauricejoduor@ . . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:59:55 -0700 (PDT)
   From: maurice oduor
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Nicholas Odhiambo,

   Are you for real?

   Courage,
   Maurice

   —– Forwarded message from catherine.wekesa@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:58:59 0300
   From: Catherine Wekesa
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Odhiambo,

   How do you now she is the problem? Has she mentioned that she does not do what you have listed below? Does that mean that is she does not do those things listed it is alright for the husband to go out and hanya?

   Do you purport to know what the husband was looking for in her friend?

   Catherine Wekesa

   —– Forwarded message from elizabethakinyi439@ . . . —–
   Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:21:14 -0700 (PDT)
   From: elizabeth apopo
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Dear Joyce,

   Am sorry foe what you are going through, however, has much as you would like to give the other woman all the blame, i belive the major problem is with your husband, and thats where your focus should be, even if its not this friend of yours, kit might be another one.

   Am not saying your husband is laying to you, but how sure are you that they moved for only one month, and apart from this one, whom you learnt about the a relationship, are you sure that there are no other ones out side there that you dont know about?

   Please, try to treat primary cause, which lies with your husband, and not you, or the other woman.

   I know some people may bring in the isue of bathing water and all that, but my dear,

   belive me, its not your fault, its him. Kwani this other woman was giving bathing water

   in the street????

   Take it easy, belive in your self, and try to sort it out with him.

   Regards,
   Liz

   —– Forwarded message from mathewsogutu@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:36:36 0300
   From: Mathews
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   @ Joyce

   FOCUS!

   We cannot help you here you help yourself here!

   1. Husband had an affair a fact from your story
   2. In the affair is a so called “Friend” a glatonous hyena this is not
   your friend anymore but a “compe” for resources. LESSON: *Keep your
   girlfriends and Exs’ away from your marriage life.*
   3. Live a sacred and secretive life *”Friends laugh with you and also
   laugh at you”* – Read “No attention to details” always have them at arms
   length.
   4. You work out this problem with your husband which is the right thing
   you have done by seeking counselling. The answers, WHY and WHEN, HOW all
   lies with the two of you. There is a problem handle it the two of you.
   5. Your hubby needs to learn to be strong, develop communication
   channels this way you should have known better what was cutting if he was
   open enough and cared to stop the nonsense.

   Wish you all the best as you cross the hurdle together.

   Matt

   —– Forwarded message from Esther.Muriithi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:57:18 0300
   From: “Muriithi, Esther”
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Odhiambo, guys who get all these are the ones who actually go benchmarking. Stop lying to Joyce. He is responsible for his own actions. If a man does not get a good deal from his partner he can use his wisdom to initiate action. HE IS THE MAN unless kama bado amebakisha…….

   —– Forwarded message from AGithuka@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:08:51 0300
   From: Alex Githuka
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Which diet? Guess ya not married and wen you get I hope God will punish you by giving one who will operate like those of K-st {kiboko kwa mbu} at this point to be sensitive is a MUST.

   —– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:00:32 0300
   From: ed moses
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   *hey, listen. A little digression,but maybe I’m on point.lets see.*
   **
   *I once had a college friend who always wondered why people allowed themselves to go through such heartbreaks and despondencies on account of relationships’ bitter tastes-be it the absent husband/wife; the cheating husband/wife; the career husband/wife etc. He had this whacky way of looking at it and oft proclaimed to a hurting soul that your wife/husband or girlfriend / boyfriend is only YOURS when they are WITH you. Any other time, forget it! Back then the love-smitten group of us dismissed his wisdom as loony but looking at the responses here, maybe time is proving him right. or did he just have a diminished sense of trust?*
   **
   *this cryptic topic, who will unravel?*
   **

   —– Forwarded message from millymemoi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:13:14 0300
   From: milly memoi
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   hi joice

   am sorry to say this but u have to cope up with the kenya we are in now/ as for me i think dating a married man is worth for a single lady:

   -its that lady who keeps ua marriage work as ua husband only visit the lady n u n keep off prostitutes

   -the husband will only provide for only two of u than daily prosty who he ll pay lodging n run away with his belongings daily.

   -most men dont like dating one lady they need change of taste.dont eat sukuma daily its becomes tasteless

   -for me.i benefit since i will have a temporary care taker and partner who will keep me as a woman as i look for my partner and know him well without hurry to unknown marriage.

   -when am married and the husband quarell or dont certify me i ve a suptitute and a shoulder to lean on therefore i dont need to quarell or answer anything bad to my husband -its good to leave a separate house with ua lover so that when he comes to u he realy miss u n u ll never have a fight at home -dont make a follow up of ua husband that much.tafuta mpango wa kando n forget bads thinks in ua family nb: as for me i date a married man and no boy/man will hurry me to early marriage since i dont luck anything than a future husband of my own desire.

   —– Forwarded message from theresianduku@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 10:13:56 0300
   From: Theresia Nduku
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband. What if its right?

   Moses,

   I strongly disagree with you that ethically we as human beings we can’t agree what is ethical wrong(bad) and right(good). Where is our unique sense of reasoning?

   Theresia

   —– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:31:58 0300
   From: ed moses
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband. What if its right?

   *How can you contradict yourself like that Theresia Nduku? You say in the same breath that you disagree with me that we can’t (universally) agree what’s ethically wrong and right and also ask about unique sense of reasoning?*

   *si there you have it. we’re unique and perhaps then there’s no common denominator on what you and I (unique, again) consider ethically wrong or right. right?*

   —– Forwarded message from Esther.Muriithi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:31:21 0300
   From: “Muriithi, Esther”
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Millie, congrats you are thinking like a man now.

   _____

   —– Forwarded message from francis.mwangi.chege@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:33:39 -0700 (PDT)
   From: fausto francis
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   MY JESUS!!
   On Jun 24, 11:13 am, milly memoi wrote:

   —– Forwarded message from cirumariga2007@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 09:40:34 0100
   From: Maryann Wanjiru
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   @ Mathew:

   Joyce’s husband was looking for something he was not getting, which he thought he might find in the “friend” which doesnt make her a hyena. its just a matter of “willing Buyer and Willing Seller”

   Lets say she keeps EXs and friends out of the marriage, the husband will still stray with other ladies ou there if and when he feels like.

   Joyce, there is nothing you can do about it; either COPE or QUIT – men will always cheat hata ukifanya nini ama uwape nini. its a fact, ask around even people who have been married for so many years.

   —– Forwarded message from esther@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:08:10 0300
   From: esther@ . . .
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Milly,

   Haki please stop misleading and provoking Joyce to have Mpango wa kando.

   Where is our conscious??? Some one to answer me.

   I don’t know whether you wrote to just add to the debate in the forum or it’s real.

   Where is the fear of God in us??

   _____

   —– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:23:00 0300
   From: ed moses
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   *Heh,Millie.The fruit never falls very far from the tree, does it? Freedom or not, Its a very hard opinion to swallow, but we shall be strong.Jesus is with us, Fausto just called on him.*

   *Heh!!*

   —– Forwarded message from ckunyuga@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:07:51 -0700 (PDT)
   From: caroline kunyuga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Ok I can only assume that Nicholas here was trying to be funny . the only other explanation is that someone is obviously a fan of these illiterate sex aunties cropping up everywhere thinking all problems can be fixed with a glass or two of dirty rice water and some foul smelling leaves, plus of course – Nicholas’s list submitted below.

   My take – I don’t think men are wired 2 cheat – they only tell themselves that to cover their guilt over cheating and we as women are only taking it a step further by accepting these theories. MEN WEREN’T MEANT TO CHEAT, and shrug it off with “hey am a man, what do you expect?” . well I’ll tell you what I expect Mr. man, I expect you to remain faithful to me for starters and when you do cheat (and this should be never), please have the courtesy of looking for a corrupt soul like you outside my circle of friends, relatives or anyone with whom am mildly acquinted and oh, get a hotel room – outside town if you can, but this had better not affect the family resources in ANY WAY……and oh, above all else, you better pray to your lucky saints that I dont find out or even catch wind of it cos so help me God – IT IS OVER.

   Can I just point out how a man will never ever forgive a straying wife? yet they expect us to welcome them back into “the fold” with a mere swat on the hand and an admonishment of “bad bad boy! now buy me some jewellry and reassure me that am the only one you ever loved” hmph, the height of double standards, but in all fairness imposed on us by ourselves – women. I have gone to many a bridal shower with an older woman telling us how to “keep” our marriages and the bottom line is – if you dont do this for your man, he will cheat, if you dont do that for your man, he will cheat and the list of what to and what not to do, like Nocolas’s, is simply baffling.They also point out how so and sos husband cheats – bu always comes back – touch down! I thought marriage is a partnership?

   no?

   ok, so lets say its not a partnership in the actual equality sense but one where I
   provide to you whatever you wanna call them needs listed by Nicolas and you act as the
   provider… well you dont see me cheating cos I have to take a matatu to work, or cos I cant have those manolo shoes, or cant take a vacation like the Joneses and the Smiths – since my provider husband is.. oops, Unable to provide? The point is if men want 2 cheat – stop blaming it on your women! If this particular situation you are in called a marriage / relationship isnt working for you anymore then walk on out, you cant have your cake and eat it.

   I have a theory and every man I have given it to wants 2 skin me alive – some women too.

   It is much, much easier for a woman to cheat than a man, we just take the high road.

   How? well you see for a woman, you just need to be a woman and temptation is everywhere – your colleagues, your bosses, friends – should anyone of them zero in on you – they can badger you until one day – you “accidentally” give in (cant blve am typing this). As for the man – its a very very consious decision to cheat, you wnat the woman and dedicate the resources – time and money necessary to pursuing her. lets say the woman is the one persuing you – I am yet to hear of a situation where the woman, as expert a persuer as she is, arranges for the accommodation, rents a car to get out of town, arranges for protection and so on. So cheating men,if you were not assailed by doubt or guilt hence the need to back out at at any one point when you were calling the hotel to reserve a room, looked at your wife in the eye to tell her you were going for a conference out of town, stopped by the chemist to get protection (if you are so wise), stopped by the gas station to refuel, you are a definition of a cheater. So dont say sorry you cheated, what you mean is sorry you got caught and in all probabaility – you will do it again, so if I am wise, and I am, i will spare myself the heartache and embarrasment and walk on out……

   Everyone (men and women) is always trying to recruit you to the popular school of thought – that all men are cheaters. Not necesarrily – but if you want to cheat – am better than that and deserve bettr than that which means you, Mr. current cheating man are in the wrong relationship – you need to be with another cheater, or @ least some1 who gives you cheating allowance, not me …NEXT!

   Admittedly, walking out of a relationship / marriage takes alot more than most of us are prepared to admit, but dying of a disease and having your kids grow up orphans is a possibility am just not willing 2 smile @

   —– Forwarded message from geffngen@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:57:23 -0700 (PDT)
   From: geoffrey ngeno
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I do respect those opinions.But I am tempted to think that some comments like those of Milly are an embarassment. Yes,our moral fabric is at its time low but to use it to justify your greed and self importance doesnt add up.

   Our dear sister Joyce is not sukuma wiki, we are talking of humans with extra senses of judgement and restrain. Marriage issues to some is like teaching philosophy to a kindergarten kid,you have to wait till they get to the appropriate level then you can try teachin if at all they are teachable.

   —– Forwarded message from j_lwali@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:28:53 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Justo Lwali
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Esther,

   I am a married man. I think Millie is an outright joker. Let’s leave it at that.

   To Joyce, pole but the fact that he has admitted it and is willing to undergo counselling, says a lot about what he feels about you. You love him, right? Then forgive him. Yeah, he has failed, he has lost your trust … but forgive him – that is the best punishment, if ever there was one.

   As for your friend, get angry, somea her and move on. It has happened.

   Above all, be strong. If I may ask: What is the most important thing to you when it comes to your husband?

   If it is fidelity, well, that has been shattered but … pick up the pieces

   Justo

   —– Forwarded message from FNdungu@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:34:05 0300
   From: Florence Ndungu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Truly we have lost our ways. Milly you ought to be ashamed of Ur self!

   Dating a married man and your actually bragging about it??? You are lost and need to find your way home before all hell breaks loose. Literally.

   Heaven help us all.

   Boastfulness is the surest sign of weakness and insecurity. True confidence has no need to speak of itself.

   —- Forwarded message from ckunyuga@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:35:39 -0700 (PDT)
   From: caroline kunyuga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   MY JESUS!!

   My thoughts exactly

   —– Forwarded message from njeriwich@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:06:32 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Grace Njeri
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Millie gal,

   You know what you need? G O D !!!

   Ask him into your life and realize that it is not that men are destined to have girlfriends or spend out with prostitutes. This is the works and the directions of the evil one. He enjoys snatching us from our Father in whose palms he holds us forever (Is 49:15-16) and once he realizes he has used you, he dumps and jumps over to another one.

   Talking out of exprience, there is nothing to be proud of in getting involved with married men. It leaves one feeling worthless and mwishowe, huyo jamaa atarudi kwake and you keep on being involved with more and more married men and the list will be endless.

   —– Forwarded message from pepity@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:07:08 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Janet mafunga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   A good example of a woman who is an enemy of her own kind. Nicely and confidently saying she will DATE a married man with no qualms about it. n’importe quoi! When you do finally decide you want your own man and get married, I am “sure” you won’t have a problem with other single ladies giving him the attention you are giving other people’s husbands.

   Coz as per your own words, your husband who is married to YOU is good for the single ladies, at some point YOU will be some tasteless sukuma, or? So how many temporary care takers are you talking about here as when one is temporary, they are there for a short while.

   Jeanette M. Khaoya

   — On Wed, 6/24/09, milly memoi wrote:

   —– Forwarded message from davidmurage@ .. . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:47:25 -0700 (PDT)
   From: David Murage
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Joyce,

   Firstly i’m very sorry for what you’re going through it’s heart wrenching to say the least.

   Secondly forget this Milly Memoi idiot who can’t even string a decent english sentence to make sense. To me male or female praying on married people is a sign of low self esteem just like Milly here has proven. We shall see if she will be in the same pathetic frame of mind to relay the same torrid story when her “future” husband steps out on her with her best friend.

   I can’t speak for women but men cheat because they can. You can have the most wonderful loving woman and still cheat on her? some of us men are idiots & for the life of me we do things that even we can’t seem to understand. I have done some questionable things in the past & i’m still paying penance for my ill deeds. Fortunately I have learnt from my mistakes and try my best to live a righteous life that I would be proud of.

   Your so called friend who had an affair with your husband is just a horrid human being not worth your time, if it happened once you could almost try to make sense that it could have been a slip up, but to carry on for a whole month behind your back?!? Sometimes it’s not worth the struggle to keep hanging on to a cheater? it’s not your fault it doesn’t matter what anyone tries to tell you. If your husband was unhappy with you for whatever reason he should have voiced it or left.

   Once again i’m very sorry this happened to you.

   David

   —– Forwarded message from lakers_turi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:07:43 -0700 (PDT)
   From: BETH TURI
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Milly may GOD give you WISDOM and may he be light unto your path because you need serious help that no man can help but GOD. your very depressed, lost, confused, tasteless, unrealistic, insensitive…..am out of words! but its not in my place to judge you! the day you will get married is the day you will eat back all these words faster than you can say married! get your english right before you start belittling people!

   joyce both your husband and your friend are on the wrong but you can work things out if you want! talk and find out why your husband did what he did? maybe it was something you didnt expect to hear but need to! but work it out between you two, no other being can solve you shidas other than you and your man and ofcourse God! seek Him first!

   —– Forwarded message from esther@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:18:53 0300
   From: esther@ . . .
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Fausto Francis,

   Instead of wondering in such a manner, could you kindly find time and contribute to this debate and help us bring some morals and values in this forum.

   Can you air your concrete Views.

   Can’t wait to read what you have to say to these dear ones.

   Esther.

   —– Forwarded message from theresianduku@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:30:55 0300
   From: Theresia Nduku
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband. What if its right?

   Ed Moses, sometimes work and responding some mails not convey the right issue. My point is clear if you want to see it. I am saying this, unique reasoning capacity found only in Human beings Only, makes us able discern the good and the evil. Hence hurts another human being we are able to agree ethically that is wrong (bad). More?

   —– Forwarded message from kathesya@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:33:58 0300
   From: Mutheu Kisilu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   caroline,

   you hit the nail on the head. men just use that line as an excuse to cheat. which is crap. ask you self are you going to condne it and wait for yourself to die of AIDS, leaving your kids as orphans por would you rather live al ong happy life without that miserable SOB of man? style up men. if you cheat and expect me to forgive you then you must allow me to also go cheat and you also forgive me. it is a 2 way road y’all.

   rgds,
   mutheu

   —– Forwarded message from esther@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:29:28 0300
   From: esther@ . . .
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Bravo Alex,

   We need guys like you. You dropped your point and am sure it has reached Home.

   It’s true we need to be A bit sensitive here. if possible put across more and more points.

   _____

   —– Forwarded message from pepity@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 01:51:57 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Janet mafunga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Nicolas,

   You need help. Please call me nikusaidie na mawaidha… ati what did you just say?

   Jeanette M. Khaoya

   —– Forwarded message from MwauraC@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 13:54:06 0300
   From: “Mwaura, Chrispin C”
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   hello people

   Most ladies date married men because they do not want commitment.

   commitment is the word.- relationships with no strings attached.

   shame on all men and wowen who date the already married. get yours and feel the heat as well.

   rgds

   —– Forwarded message from AGithuka@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:26:59 0300
   From: Alex Githuka
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   That’s mentality I guess is from hell it shows that you believe that your husband cheats on you and if you get one who’s honest you’ll still believe He’ll cheat on you. Things like the husband was missing something is pure nonsense. A man I believe should have a voice loud enough to be heard in his house, he should be very innovative {you know R Kelly told you about sex in the kitchen and it was up to you to realize its still good on the carpet and other many good places WOMEN ARE ALWAYS SUBMISSIVE AND THERES NO WAY SHE’LL RESIST as long as you take care of her and provide} surely if you remain just enclosed in your house such things can possibly happen thus change of environment necessary and definitely you’ll always notice something new in your partner and coming back home you’ll all be smiling to each other.

   —– Forwarded message from lakers_turi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:28:39 -0700 (PDT)
   From: BETH TURI
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   hehehehehehe!!! good one ed! i dont jua where this one came from. its unbelievable people still live in a cocoon and think like milly:-( its just sad,nowonder she is confused!

   —– Forwarded message from brotherbonny@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:19:40 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Bonny Opondo
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   This Debate is very nice,the only problem is that we are at different Levels of Life.I wanted to ask milly what happens if she is the one married and some lady is reaping from Her husband? You must belong to the category of ladies who claim that they do not need aman yet they Praise God with their legs up with married men. Infidelity is wiping men out because of ignorance and greed,Iam currently handling asituation where a man has been cheating and the outcome is H.I.V.plus orphans coming soon. Think before you make acomment, think about others .Joyce Just pray that God will change the heart of your husband to stop Infidelity for your case you need amazing grace to forgive him. I know that you are hurt, but all will be well as long as you invite christ in your marriage both of you!

   —– Forwarded message from odhiambo@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 14:22:37 0300
   From: Odhiambo
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   On Wed, Jun 24, 2009 at 11:40 AM, Maryann Wanjiru wrote:

   @ Mathew:

   Joyce’s husband was looking for something he was not getting, which he thought he might find in the “friend” which doesnt make her a hyena. its just a matter of “willing Buyer and Willing Seller”

   Talk of reading the mind:-)

   Maryanne, I feel you are biased here. What exactly makes you think it’s the husband who “was looking”, for “something he was not getting”?

   Why it can’t be the other way round? The hyena went for the meat it’s been salivating for?

   You are being so hard on Joyce.

   —
   Best regards,
   Odhiambo WASHINGTON,
   Nairobi,KE
   254733744121/ 254722743223
   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
   “If you have nothing good to say about someone, just shut up!.”
   — Lucky Dube

   —– Forwarded message from millymemoi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:00:02 0300
   From: milly memoi
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   moses

   the truth always pains alot.u shld learn to accept everithing that goes around.caz if u cant fight them just join them.n u ll never ever force someone to do what she is upto.and u cannot force anybody to stop love for the one his heart desire.

   be flexible man and learnt to know what others are thinkink by making ua own personal coment from deep down ua heart n not aposing someones decision.

   its final u wont change my decision its my own life

   —– Forwarded message from lockki@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:24:38 -0700 (PDT)
   From: steve ruhiu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Some psychologist concluded that men cheat just because they can. Men are known to be visual animals and at times it happens at the spa of the moment and we regret there after. Sex to us in most cases is not pre planned but we capture the moment.

   Joyce you have been with with your man and you know he never postpones an opportunity anytime. your friend set up a plan to way lay your man and he fell right into it.

   word of advice; keep your man at minimum contact with your man. Men tend to relate your friends with you and you know the results. remember they don’t fight but always smiley smiley. yaani your friend is a nice image of you who had loose legs in this case. at times sex with another woman does not translate to love as would be interpreted its just that sex that leaves one very guilty and if condemned they often run to the arms of the other women.

   I am sorry and am sure nothing one will tell that comes near to the disappointment experienced

   —– Forwarded message from FNdungu@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:27:18 0300
   From: Florence Ndungu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Its your life and no one has objected to that, but chik am sorry to say this but you have such low low low self esteem. You are an embarrassment to other women ( you shud thank your stars that we are telling you this, I bet your pals cheer u up when you tell them about your newest married man eh? I believe they are just like you? birds of a feather flock together right???? Gal you need help! First!!!!

   Boastfulness is the surest sign of weakness and insecurity. True confidence has no need to speak of itself.

   —– Forwarded message from pepity@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:41:40 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Janet mafunga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hmmm and your english really needs assistance as does all the other aspects of your life.

   It is women like you who are breaking up families and bringing sicknesses into families.

   As a woman you are a total embarrassment. And even coming out and talking the way you are leaves alot to be desired. Unayawapi wewe??? As someone said, the day you will find THE ONE you want to settle down with because girl, you will get tired of married men going back to their wives, you will eat your own words faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

   Jeanette M. Khaoya

   — On Wed, 6/24/09, milly memoi wrote:

   —– Forwarded message from S.MUGATHA@CGIAR —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:48:18 0300
   From: “Mugatha, Simon (ILRI)”
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Millie, you are out rightly honest. Many of these people do worse things, but they have a holier than thou mentality. When Jesus said…”let him who has never sinned cast the first stone…” no one stoned the woman. I believe that today people commit more sins than during the time of Jesus…. and amongst this whole crowd that is shouting so hard, there may truly be no one to cast the first stone.

   …and then Jesus said to the woman “go and do not sin again”. He was more forgiving than the sinful crowd… and yet he had no sin. Let the said husband be pardoned, if has committed not to sin again… what else can u do?

   —– Forwarded message from AGithuka@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:02:39 0300
   From: Alex Githuka
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Do you remember your English teacher putting something like s/m in your book…….no wonder …see beyond your horizon and stop living in cocoon and please, urgently contact Dr Frank Njenga, we might take it as a joke and may be ni stress which has deteriorated

   —– Forwarded message from simonkolaka@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:04:09 -0700 (PDT)
   From: SIMON KOLAKA
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   I tend not comment on most of these issues but this particular has touched my heart.Gentlemen , Joyce needs some comfort .Imagine ua were the whose wife played wrong? The whole thing would be discussed with the boys everywhere in the evening pubs. This asad moment for this home,please the likes of millie require prayers. Please Joyce compose u self and with some period of time yu shall overcome this and write new chapter of experiences on yua dairy.Please turn to the lord during such hard times.

   —– Forwarded message from pepity@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:07:33 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Janet mafunga
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   And then there were two….

   Jeanette M. Khaoya

   —– Forwarded message from alicemaish@ … —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:35:53 -0700 (PDT)
   From: alice mbithe
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Milly

   Oh My God!Sikutakii mabaya but one day when you get married ,u will have a taste of your own medicine.

   —– Forwarded message from arniewam@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:09:14 0300
   From: Arnette Wambaire
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Steve,

   Note that when u use the underlined word in this sentence it sort of takes ur argument to a comedic phase “happens at the *spa *of the moment” i.e. massage parlours etal. Methinks u ought to have written ‘spur’, this would bring out the meaning u intended.

   One other thing is that ur sort of taking a gayism outlook on this, “keep your man at minimum contact with your man”. LOL!!!!

   —– Forwarded message from mutyota@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 06:13:58 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Doreen Mutyota
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   The world is coming to an end.

   Ndinda Mutyota
   “I believe the best master piece of a person is learning how to live with a purpose”

   —– Forwarded message from FNdungu@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:59:38 0300
   From: Florence Ndungu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   You can say that again Janet.

   Boastfulness is the surest sign of weakness and insecurity. True confidence has no need to speak of itself.

   —– Forwarded message from millymemoi@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:38:59 0300
   From: milly memoi
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   thanks alot.i can see most of kenyan youth ve sweet words on their mouth that can move a snake out of its hole.but in actual sense they are doing it in words but the opposite of their action.u really know what make ladies or men go out with married couples.thats was the question.

   am single lady under my parents and i dont have time to date anybody. but know words without action is dead.hopefully u practice what u comment and learn to cope with your spouse keeping the secrets of ua marriage.

   thanks to all who contributed to help those in need of advice. i ve no crudge with anybody no matter how u contributed though i knew one person who his best friend is married and is dating outside his marriage concrats

   —– Forwarded message from jkaiguire@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:01:07 0300
   From: judy kaiguire
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   @ Mugatha spot on! Am appauled by the hypocracy of words here..we all knw infidelity is on the rise with alarming HIV infections on the rise in marriages condemning Milly like she is a leper is just…JESUS!

   —– Forwarded message from odhiambo@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:17:33 0300
   From: Odhiambo ?????
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   On Wed, Jun 24, 2009 at 4:02 PM, Alex Githuka wrote:

   Do you remember your English teacher putting something like s/m in your book??. no wonder ?see beyond your horizon and stop living in cocoon and please, urgently contact Dr Frank Njenga, we might take it as a joke and may be ni stress which has deteriorated

   Everyone wants to throw the rotten eggs at Milly, yet the reality on the ground is that we (yes, I mean you, you, me, him and her) know that this is what happens! As a matter of fact, it could as well be an explanation as to why the lady had the fling with her friend’s hubby. While we all know how wrong that can be (depends on the way you look at it) we’d rather play the Angel and console the OP with our sympathies and demonize everything/everyone who has a divergent opinion to what we hold!

   Guys, its high time we got out of those cocoons and faced reality. The way I see it is that even Joyce has to face the reality of the situation and the surrounding. It’s not like she doesn’t know that these things happen. It’s just that she’s rather they did not happen to her, but we are very much part of that same society where such things happen and we’d rather not raise a finger, right?

   My take on this: If only this topic ended with the first post by Ed Moses, we could have done Joyce the greatest favor. All the pretense I have seen here just makes me wonder where some of us have been living all this time.

   If forgiveness and acceptance between Joyce and her husband isn’t the right way to heal the wound, none of your words (of sympathy or vilification) will.

   Amen? Amen.

   —
   Best regards,
   Odhiambo WASHINGTON,
   Nairobi,KE
   254733744121/ 254722743223
   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
   “If you have nothing good to say about someone, just shut up!.”
   — Lucky Dube

   —– Forwarded message from enyuguto@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:43:01 -0700 (PDT)
   From: BEN NYUGUTO
   Subject: Why go after my husband

   Dear Joyce,

   My two cents on this since karibu kila mtu has experienced there help or critic,

   I am soo sorry it happened to you but truth be told shit happens.

   Since we still have our grandfathers genes of polygamy we will always prey even if the church and diseases will try to convince us otherwise.But this is not an excuse especially to Men who have sworn against it in church,we should always have a will to do what we have promised.

   Joyce,the only advice I can give U is one that I heard from a taxi driver hapa coast.One of my work collegues asked him how many white mamas he has slept with and he replied, “Mimi sina nguvu ya kulala na mwanamke mwingine kwa sababu bibi yangu kila siku kabla sija anza kazi yu nipa mpaka sipati nguvu ya kutamani mwanamke mwingine”(Translating:My wife makes sure she has the wildest sex with me before I start work that makes me not look at another woman)

   If you knew coastarian mamas you will understand what he meant,so it all comes down to
   how well you treat your mama.

   my two cents,
   cheers

   —– Forwarded message from kiruiben@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:31:45 -0700 (PDT)
   From: kimutai ben kirui
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Milly,

   with all due respect u just ought to apologize not to still tell us whether u r now single yet u sounded a prostitute on the other email addressed to joyce.

   Just a point to note since i follow most comments.

   Joyce,

   just try to talk with ur hubby and trust in God to heal ur marriage. I know its horifying and painful, more so nowdays that HIV has taken its course and with such moves in marriage one is prone to disaster to the entire family. pr 18:22, Ecc 4:9-12, 1 cor 7:3

   Cheers.

   —– Forwarded message from deresouth@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 17:28:45 0300
   From: Dere South
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Joyce,

   as far as i can see,most of the advise you get here appear to be blaming the wrong party and that is your husband.In my years as a young man who has fallen into this kind of trap severally,i have learnt that luv relationships are more like military games where you have to zealously guard your territory and with this i got a few questions
   (1)Where was your army when your territory was being raided?
   (2)Did you understand that your friend turned foe also posses weapons just like you do,or even more ‘dangerous’ weapons?
   (3)Do you understand that when your territory occupants have full information about their guard,they see the weaknesses and seek out better defences to counter the weakness?

   This is where your friend turned foe comes in and ‘gladly’ supplies the
   fixes to those weaknesses

   When i talk about your army, i don’t mean being with your man wherever he is, NO, what i mean is, what keeps your man interested in you? what keeps him around you?What do you do that will make him hang around you all the time? Apparently many women reading this now will object this,but if u are a woman and reading this,have you ever taken time and analysed exactly why your man likes you and saw in you when you met for the first time?If you did, what steps have you taken to make sure your services are up to date and ahead of your rivals? I mean,do you still offer the same ama you have upgraded since you met? Now you take it or leave it,men will always hunt for beta things and whatever appears good to them,after they get used to it, they get bored and after they get bored,they seek a beta version of the same service.Joyce i don mean to hurt u,im only spilling the beans,up your game, treat him like a king, whatever keeps him superglued on you,offer the best of it and by the way, keep changing it (Men really luv suspense,and suprise too). Whenever you suspect he could be seeing another woman,change your game plan.I know its not easy but it will keep the fire in your marriage life burning and if you do it good, don’t be suprised to see it tantalizing like in the very early days of courtship.

   Success

   —– Forwarded message from kavmush@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 11:36:15 -0700 (PDT)
   From: khavetsa mushenye
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   It very sad that a woman will actually encourage other single ladies to go out with
   married, what kind of a society are we living in? It is so bad such that the sanctity of marriage is no more… I always say, when you stand in the middle of the room, whether in front of the church, or the judge or in front of God and say “I do” silently or loudly, that is it! There is no more wine tasting or change of diet, because you don’t sit down and say, i put this ring on your finger to love and cherish till death do us part or i need a change of diet! My fair lady, am so sorry, you have to go through this, i value marriage very much, but i don’t believe that you should try to keep it together at all costs…I MEAN AT ALL COST! For the love of God fight for it, fight for your family, pray a lot to do the right thing, fight the little “pest” of a woman who is trying to destroy it, and above all deal with your husband properly!…At some point in time, you have to set your priorities right, my dear and you make sure you stand by it. As for the ladies, who go after people’s husbands, “Shame on you, and shame on all the husbands who cheat on their wives” !..You are an embarrassment to the society at large, am ashamed to belong in the same species as you!
2. Suzie Njogu June 27, 2009 at 4:46 am

   —– Forwarded message from k_shiz@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 12:20:20 -0700 (PDT)
   From: Suzie Njogu
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Joyce,
   Am very sorry about what happened with your ‘friend’ if you could call her that. But am even more sadened by the fact that people have turned the topic to be about them.

   There is always power in prayer, so pray and pray some more. Have you read the power of a
   praying woman?

   This is between God, you and your husband. if you go through counselling and feel in your
   heart that you want to forgive him, so be it.

   Suzie

   —– Forwarded message from ogeto4444@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:06:50 -0700 (PDT)
   From: diana Ogeto
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   At the end of the day it all boils down to someones motives,upbringing and personality.Its a personal decision to cheat on someone.Even people in relationships cheat how much more in marriage.It’s sad to know that it’s actually your close circle of friends or relatives who will betray you and mostly from the woman’s side.What can we say-i will do my best but it’s not worth to die for a relationship even a marriage with someone who doesn’t deserve u! DON”T. Plus if he did it once no matter how long the counselling is on he will do it again.

   —– Forwarded message from AGithuka@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:10:21 0300
   From: Alex Githuka
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   It’s high time we realize that the forbidden fruit is getting bitter.

   —– Forwarded message from angukben@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:40:08 0000 (GMT)
   From: Alphan Anguk
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Am so sorry you have to go through this. I know i dont have the words to comfort you at this particular time but my advice is that your comfort will only come from God, so seek Him first. It sad how people have become selfish nowadays and don’t take in consideration the people who care so much for them.

   I believe in the saying “it takes two to tango”. This means that both of them are at fault of what they did to you. As for your husband forgive him if you really love and if he has promised to change. He might have decided to change after all.

   I have seen many people writing that men will always cheat on their women no matter what.

   I agree with this but not totally. I believe this is a matter of choice. There are men out there who have decided to be faithfully to their wives/girlfriends. About your friend, my advice is forgive her and leave the rest to God. Pray for her so that when God’s blesses you and your marriage she will be there see. Continue praying for your husband and for God to bless your marriage. Wishing you best of luck.

   —– Forwarded message from bkaruria@ . . . —–
   Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 23:01:23 -0700 (PDT)
   From: ben jason
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hello JOYCE

   To ma opinion you are also selfish there is no parmanent friend in this world.Dont seek for everyone including your husband to be faithful always to you.You also commit sin in other areas and God is equally VERY angry withyou.Look even in the bible King ,David ,Solomon allsinned agaist their own bodies and agaist their fellow men even to a point of killing for their own pressure but they had favour with God .For one not having anyother God apart from jehova and being repentful even on behalf of other nations and their enemies.Note seek the kingdom of God first .

   —– Forwarded message from akinyij2000@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:39:34 -0700 (PDT)
   From: judy akinyi
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Men do cheat and you should accept the fact that he lied to you and he is ready to change have the heart to forgive is the way forward and pray for your husband.recommended book to read —— the power of a praying wife.

   Judy

   —- Forwarded message from arniewam@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 10:17:15 0300
   From: Arnette Wambaire
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Eeeiishhhh!! Milly, you are just contradicting yourself every time you jote down your thoughts! Your traits are too much of a chameleon from where I have been following this debate. There you were beating your chest proudly proclaiming how you were dating married men then now you are single& apparently only used a friend’s situation to say twas you dating married men. ??!!! What gives? Seriously, its best you contribute to debates with truthfulness if you wish to ever get ‘respect’ from your peers & group members. NB: Performing a ‘spell check’ before you hit the send button is highly recommended (though not all grammatical errors will be sniffed out)!!

   Joyce: hopefully all the divergent replies from the group have helped you ascertain how to solve your dilemma. At the end of it all, YOU must choose how to lead your life!

   —– Forwarded message from aodero@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 12:20:18 0300
   From: “Amos D. ”
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Judy, men Cheat with women, or the other woman does not cheat, but a victim of a man’s cheating behaviour ?

   Cheating is not corporate affair, its an individual cheating. If i cheat, am not any man’s representive to be included as part of my behaviour.

   Anyone is susceptible to fall, very few people can stand the test, am sure there are a few who wont cheat on their spouses…am not sure you can stand the test

   Amos

   —– Forwarded message from joekushus@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:56:11 -0700 (PDT)
   From: hannah kuria
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   joyce am really sorry for what your husband has made you go through.

   i would advice you to
   1.Talk to your husband try n work through this together. and dont lead him let him lead u.
   2. Forgive your husband.though u feel like betrayed .
   3.we change with life but don’t lose your self , my dear don’t stop being the fun loving person your husband fell in love with .love your self gal , let Ur man fall in love with you again .don’t stop taking care of your man.if u need to look sexy , look sexy , if u need to be exciting.
   Sweetie treat your man so well he will regret why he ever though of going out .SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE .
   4.DONT USE his cheat as a bargaing tool . he made a mistake move on.
   5.Be patient with you man .you know why u married your prince .
   6.Dont put your self down. change what you need to change life is too short .

   Do what u love doing discover your self again gal.

   God bless u al.

   PS My dad told me once a family that Prays together stays together.

   —– Forwarded message from barasav@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 05:49:07 -0700 (PDT)
   From: naomi vulenywa
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Joyce,

   Sorry about this whole experience. I know it is quite heart breaking. My take to this, your husband has confessed, he might have done it under pressure or willingly after realising that he has goofed. All the same he has confessed and for me this is the most important thing. It is very painful and a lot of can only imagine how you are feeling but you are the only one who knows what it trully feels. A lot of women have gone through this but it still does not make fully undrestand your pain. You need allow yourself to heal. Healing emotionally and restoring the initial trust as a couple. The key is with you. Do not focus on the spilt milk but rather have sharings with your husband and make him understand your pain but also make sure the sharing is reasuring and forgiving. We all make mistake small and grand but the most important is owning up and making sure that however bad the experience is it atleast creates a room for learning a lesson(s) for us.

   My dear candid reflections together with your hubby will also do both of you some good. Ensure the reflections are not moments to sulk, because men are very good at using small instance to justify things they do, just be firm on your case. Please avoid the route to defensiveness because it will hurt you more. This is when you might be reminded of a village boy you greeted in the supermarket, the chamas where you pick the gossips etc, I am sure this is not the way you want to go. For me forgiveness is of the essence, atleast if you are still planning to keep the mariage. Do not focus on the half empty glass, rather the half full glass.

   I wish you the best.

   Naomi

   —– Forwarded message from akinyij2000@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 06:08:30 -0700 (PDT)
   From: judy akinyi
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   AMOS, wacha kudanganya who don’t know that all men cheat.

   It is only Jesus because he did not marry.

   —– Forwarded message from barasav@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 06:56:40 -0700 (PDT)
   From: naomi vulenywa
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   Hi Hannah,

   Thank you so much for your advice. Its quite summarised but so full.

   Naomi
3. uliachumba2002 June 28, 2009 at 10:05 am

   —– Forwarded message from juliachumba2002@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:19:49 -0700 (PDT)
   From: juliachumba2002@ . . .
   Subject: Re: Why go after her?

   YPs,

   Please beware that this is not a One Way Street! It is a two-way road which means traffic may have been travelling to or away from downtown.

   You can’t even begin to play the blame game unless you were there in person. Thank you! When I first started driving in the US, I entered a road without reading the sign posted on the side. Immediately, horns came blowing from all over the place. ?Holy Master what is the matter??? I was posing. Frantic drivers everywhere were waving at me, telling me to turn around. Then I realized it was a One way Lane and carefully but quickly made a U- Turn. Thank God there were ppl who saw me and warned me in time before having a head on collision with someone else because ignorance would not have been an excuse. Read the handwriting on the wall, seek the interpretation then go from there

   1. Why YOU go after my Husband(First street) or
   2. Why did YOU go after her(Second street)

   Joyce,

   Wisdom is the PRINCIPAL thing. Therefore get wisdom (correct application of knowledge) and with all your seeking, seek understanding (Proverbs 4:7). The way of a man with a maid (Relationships) is one of the four things Solomon (Wisest Man) confessed, he could not figure out Please read Proverbs 30:18 & 19. The first three were; way of an eagle in the air, the way of a serpent upon a rock and the way of a ship in the midst of the sea. Evil has sky- rocketed in our generation and the word of God is the wisdom bank that will dislodge of our present day(21st Century)complicated and many faceted predicaments. A preacher named Paul said that there were good things he wanted to do yet at the end of the day he found himself doing the opposite and the things he did not want to do are the ones he ended up doing, he had no power to say NO to them. But at last he said that he figured out power to do the right thing is in the Lord Jesus Christ.(ANSWER)the one greater than Solomon

   There are things the male gender are more prone to than their counterparts and sometimes these temptations defy just a decision or will power. There are sins that easily beget us which need much more than swearing, they need supernatural intervention. Men are more prone to sexual temptations but what about women? They are more prone to nagging which is something that can drive a man to dwell in the rooftop. The Log is ALWAYS humongous when it is someone else’s eye. Don’t you agree?

   1. Receive Jesus Christ into your heart if you have not already done so
   2. Pray and read the word of God daily, allow it to ex-ray you, allow it to cut you open, allow it to operate on you
   3. Ask God for the answers to the bugging questions of your life without pre-meditating the answer. Take steps.
   4. Get into a good bible teaching church and seek the counsel of the Pastor or elders Remember you cannot counsel the devil out. Fools will bow to intellectuals any day but not the devil oh! He has no respect for intelligence the only language he understands is power and a Man/woman of wisdom is strong.

   One married lady once told me that the next most painful thing to a woman apart from child birth is when her husband to cheats on her. I put those words in a place where I keep important things and pull it up whenever I see a married man.

   I see God delivering the help and comfort you need through his wisdom as you go for it in Jesus? name!

   —– Forwarded message from mwashiraph@ . . . —–
   Date: Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:05:15 0000 (GMT)
   From: RAPHAEL MWASHIGHADI
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband

   i am looking at a senario where kenya has 8million women sexually active and 3.5million sexually active men aged between 18 years and 50 years. a simple calculation shows that 4.5 million women may not enjoy the services to be delivered by the men already bound by the 3.5 million men. all mankind was created with procreation instict. is you your husband realy wrong? he has acted more natural. he may have betrayed your trust. it looks philosophical

   but look at the numbers. if you belonged to the unbonded camp would you have fallen? as the numbers grow this is going to be even more realistic.

   it would have been more painful if he made with someone you didn’t know. we all react to an environment.

   i pen my comments
   no intention of offence

   —– Forwarded message from juliachumba2002@ . . . —–
   Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:50:35 -0700 (PDT)
   From: juliachumba2002@ . . .
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband. What if its right?

   You know I am not picking on you Moses but let me ask you something? Have you in yourlifetime heard someone say the following in public and braod daylight;

   1. Yesterday, me and other two friends of mine broke into a bank and each of us had a share of 70.9K so now, my children can go to school, my wife can dress the way she wants and I can buy me a house after I pay fungu la kumi to the church. Nani anataka ka-mia?!!

   2. I cheated on my wife last night and it was wonderful!!

   3. I shot a man dead who tried to steal my new car!!

   4. Prostitution is my best career!!

   Why?

   Even when you do not believe in the bible which God given us as a yard stick, there is that in- built conscience(in our human CPU) you have mentioned which naturally restrains you from what is wrong. When that sub conscience has been seered too many times through either ignoring it or outrightly disobeying it, then the mind switches into a reprobate mode which is a dangerous state where ppl do things that are off the chart.

   Have a Super Day
   Julia

   —– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
   Date: Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:27:24 0300
   From: ed moses
   Subject: Re: Why go after my husband. What if its right?

   *well, I agree with you Julia. Just trying to prod minds into the possible ‘reasons’ why we would do things that would be considered repugnant to the ‘norm’*

   *rgds*
4. Anyim Gwara July 26, 2009 at 11:54 pm

   Sorry Joyce. I think it is a big mistake to confide in someone. Never tell somebody else about your family problems. Do not trust even a close friend. You made a mistake by telling your friend about your husband. Now she is sleeping with him. The only person you can trust with such an intimate story is your mum. Nobody else. Mark my words, Joyce. I deeply sympathise with you on this matter, though.
   The best thing you can do now is to pray to the Almighty God. God is particularly serious about the institution of marriage. If you pray to God and ask Him to make your husband love you the way he used to love you, it will happen. Your husband will forget about that false friend of yours and return to you and will love you more than he used to love you, Joyce. Trust me. Pray about it and you will be surprised how the power of prayer does wonders.
5. robby August 17, 2009 at 7:28 pm

   work at forgiving them both joyce,hurt as you are you need Gods Grace to carry you through, endevour to keep your inner man pure coz that way you will remain standing whatever the tempest.forgiving such a betrayal makes you great it means theres nothing you cannot forgive.

   robby
6. pinyowacho November 7, 2009 at 12:22 am

   just don’t hang your man and family out there for other friends to envy. i am a man and the worst my girlfriend had done and my wife does it sometimes is to force me to go and meet her girlfriends. and its surprising how in such gatherings i become subject of discussion. when i refuse to go she gets grumpy.
   Guess what, those same women she call her friends and that she force me to gather with send me invitations. i won’t elaborate. there are no good friends when it comes to relationships. weka wako mbali. let him/her cheat but don’t be the facilitator cuz it will be double tragedy. losing an otherwise good husband and destroying your family and losing your friends.
7. Kenny June 23, 2010 at 11:06 am

   whata great poem you should write more!!!
8. Tango Info June 24, 2010 at 2:08 pm

   Wow cheated by both husband and friend!
   I know my solution is ridiculously simple and will not work for all people… but I would dump both. Immediately. Irrevocably.
   Good luck!
9. ANN G June 25, 2010 at 4:21 pm

   Joyce am really sorry for what you are going through.Dont give up but trust in the LORD always.Am in marriage and i cant expect such a thing from my hussie.Who said it is a must for a man to cheat on his wife?Let us stop having such a belief.I think he had enough time to taste around before you got married and that why he choose you among the many admirers.You are still his queen the rest are just spare parts who can be picked anyhowly coz they dont respect themselves.Let us stop blaming men i think you can say a firm no as a woman.If all women can stop pretending to be expert in maintaining others people husband this world could be a better place.Is it that we have ceased fearing GOD as our maker?Or you think you will remain young and dont get old so to keep playing around with others people husbands?Mature up ladies,look for your own husband so that you can understand the pinch of commitment.Dont wait for others to smarten there husband halafu in return mnawachafua.For those who think joyce has failed in her duties,marriage is more than taking water to the bathroom.Get married and you will understand what marriage is.
10. Eran September 24, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Agree about the part of what says it is a must for a man to cheat…definitely not!
    But don’t know about the god bit, I don’t think depending on something or anyone else is the go….
    Good luck!
11. esto February 4, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Sorry dear, I have been in a similar situation and i know how it feels. Mine was worse. We were all communing in one group in the church – the choir. The bitch whom I thought was a friend went ahead and slept with my husband. They have a child. I was the last one to know! Guess what, during her pregnancy she used to abuse me using an anonymous phone number. At that time I didn’t know it was her, until she also sent an anonymous message using the same number to my hubby’s phone. Guess what I did? I responded to it and told her, ‘that’s why I dumped you’ of course she thot it was my hubby who had sent the msg. The following day she was so incensed, she let the cat out of the bag and came to tell me that the child was my hubby’s. I was so shocked and hurt but I did not show her then. Didn’t know I would get over it, but dear, I somehow did. My hubby has really changed even though the trust is no longer there. The lady is still bitter. She thought he would leave me for her.

    Please keep praying for yourself and your hubby. God will always watch over you.

    Good luck.
12. evon sarah atieno March 25, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    joyce i really feel for you.the two of you cant blame each other coz something must have led to all this.it’s usually said that its the woman’s responsibility to keep their families intact.this is what men misinterpret and do whatever they like.what men don’t realize is that the name head of a family comes with a lot of responsibilities and therefore its part of their duty too.it will take you so long to trust your husband and hence the bitterness.let God take control and stop asking the many questions.seeking external help is good but then it depends on your ability to trust your husband.he should also learn to understand you and let you recover slowly.eventually you will love and trust him.keep yourself busy,pray always and live a day at a tyme.
13. jemo August 11, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Joyce,
    By now I am sure you have recovered, and moved on with your married life. One thing you may not want to admit perhaps, is that by the time you made your discovery the ‘couple’ might have been at it for a long time. Look at this scenerio: during your courtship might you have mentioned to your girlfriend about your now husband’s exploits, say, in bed etc? Then you perhaps went ahead and told your husband how nice your friend is etc? Is it possible that you made your friend envy your marriage, perhaps when her own relationship was doing badly?
    By the way, have you heard of housemaids playing the ‘wife’ when mama is away.
    Up your game, the married world is never perfect. Spend time and go through the whole 1st Corinthians, you will realise that bad habits did not start with your man.
14. Sola imputi November 21, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Joyce’s friend is a Dog!But am sure there could have been some tell – tell signs which my sister ignored some of these friends can be vipers careful what information you share with your friends,and always try not to have your mates tug along too much when you are with your spouse and last and important sign beware of friends who will only want to tug along when you are with your partner that is a very dangerous red flag
15. wycliffe juma June 1, 2012 at 4:30 am

    well,we must look at this thing in so many perspectives. First ask yourself why this woman did this. Sometimes woman are the cause of this coz u find a woman sitting down with a fellow woman discussing how good her husband is good in bed not knowing she might be hurting the other one whose husband is a foko jembe so she will be tempted to touch.Men also should treat their ladies like angels so that they might not be lured into unwanted love.
16. Ogada October 29, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. All the three are to be blamed however this does not lead us anywhere. However strong a man is, regardless of the oaths and vows, a beatifull woman can win his heart. This has been mentioned in many places in the bible/koran. This is why men Love with their EYES FIRST while women love with their BRAINS Fast. Attractions are always different.
    The best way out is to start the journey again and forget the past or JUST QUIT THE RACE and hope to meet the same at adifferent time. Most men are the same the only difference is how they treat or are treated by their wifes/girlfrends.
17. Sharon February 25, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    LIKES ATTRACT while UNLIKE S DON’T
18. Ernest OYUGI May 18, 2013 at 3:04 pm

    A man too will accuse the other man for “snatching” or “stealing” his woman. It is natural but the person to blame is SQUARELY your PARTNER.
19. maurice ombogo September 17, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    you wanna easy and cheap lay,… approach your wife’s best friends, try damage control by being more vigilant and talking less about it before he lays the next. its just natural ,,pole sana yawa!!