From: Ouko joachim omolo
The News Dispatch with Omolo Beste
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2013
Nyakwar Ajuma Koduma posted on her Facebook timeline a recent study conducted by the St. Ives skin care brand, that women feel their most confident at the age of 29. They discovered that a lot of this confidence was due to them falling in love during that age or being in a stable relationship.
I had refuted the research, arguing that it is not accurate-in fact women feel their most confident at age 27-at this age they don’t fall in love as such, they are trying to stabilize their relationship and how they can cater and love their children-then at age of 40 a woman does not care whether she is loved or not-she can do things on her own and love seems to be diminishing slowly-the motto here is how to take care of herself and children.
My refutation was liked by overwhelming Facebook fans that I feel should share with you on my News blog. According to the research more than half of women polled said 29 was their prettiest age. Reasons included feeling confident, falling in love and stable relationships.
The poll also found that women feel and look their best on Fridays. Stress and lack of sleep were key reasons for feeling unattractive. The rosy cheeks and fresh-faced looks of their teenage years might be gone but it seems that’s no impediment to beauty, after a survey found that women feel most beautiful at the age of 29. Confidence was pinpointed as the top reason for the finding followed by falling in love and enjoying a stable relationship.
Nicole Melmore, brand manager at St. Ives, says that from age to occasions, their research shows that beauty really isn’t skin deep, with more women stating that they feel more beautiful when they are at home without their make-up on (17 per cent) compared to when they’re wearing lots of make-up (seven per cent), it seems that feeling attractive isn’t just down to having a perfectly made up face.
In her book, Enchanted Love, Marianne Williamson argues that love should be understood terms of spirituality and not sorely on material aspects. In this way then the age at which a woman falls in love or not does not rise.
There are many ways in which love is expressed to us and from us. First you must be attracted to the opposite sex. Marianne Williamson refers to this first stage of love as attraction which every normal being must undergo.
Second stage is focus. That you will now focus on particular woman or man you feel you want to establish relationship with. The third stage is desire or falling in love. This is where you desire to have someone to give you warmth, make you feel like being you, and make you feel special.
Fourth stage is adoration. This is according to Marianne Williamson is the core of spirituality in relationship. It is like golden thread that binds two hearts, a feeling that keeps growing even when you are far apart, no matter where you want to feel each other always close.
In fact in its real sense, this is what means to fall in love. It is like jumping off a really tall building, your brain tells you it is not a good idea, but your heart tells you, you can fly.
This is the stage where a man and a woman stay faithful because they don’t have time to look for others because they are too busy adoring each other. It is like a reporter who asked the couple, “How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?” The woman replied, “We were born in a time when is something was broken we would fix it not throw it away”.
The fifth stage is security. Unlike men, what a woman wants in relationship is love, acceptance, respect, to be desired, security and passion. A woman will feel emotionally safe with a man who is emotionally available, honest, trustworthy and authentic. These are character strengths that a woman not only admires, but feels safe with.
The sixth stage is trust. Trust a fundamental human experience, necessary for society to function and for any person to be relatively happy. Without it, fear rules.
The seventh stage is empathy. Empathy, literally “in feeling”, is the capability to appreciate, understand, and accept another person’s emotions. Showing empathy genuinely is one of the most important interpersonal skills that anyone must master.
Listen attentively to what the other person is saying. This will allow you to absorb what they say and be able to respond appropriately. Eliminate distractions: put down the book you’re reading, turn off the TV, etc.
Focus all your attention to what the other person says. Pay attention not only to the words spoken, but also to the way these words are communicated. Establish comfortable eye contact and good body posture.
The eighth stage is caring. Everyone wants to know that they are loved and appreciated.
Learn and encourage her dreams. Make her your top priority. Accept her and cherish her for who she is; after all, she’s the only one who will always be there for you if you treat her right.
Call her when you’re not together to tell her that you’re thinking about her. Send her a little note through the mail while you’re away. When you tell her I love you, you say it to remind her that she is the best that has never happened to you.
The only thing that makes it part of your life is that you keep on thinking about. Keep on thinking about her. She wants to be your friend as well as your lover. Simply making time to switch off the TV, sit down, and talk with her will show that you care, to say nothing of the fact that you enjoy her company.
The ninth stage is harmony. This is where you need to listen attentively, with compassion to your partner. Communicate your understanding with “active listening” and by responding in a non-critical and non-defensive way.
Honor each person by showing positive regard and respect. Relate to the essential goodness of each person, even when it is hidden. Be sincere, exemplary, clear, encouraging positive attributes and express admiration and appreciation for her, his talents, qualities, accomplishments, values and courage.
Be supportive, empowering, and prayerful, trust in the essential goodness and growth of others .Visualize a harmonious relationship, seeing the other blessed in light and love, protected and growing. Be grateful and gracious, kind, good friend and loving.
Tenth stage is contentment. This is where at the age of 40 years on wards a woman is contented. Her priorities are to take care of her home and children. In other words, this is the stage where people settle in a relationship because it is familiar and they are comfortable even if they are not fulfilled.
That is why at 75 years, a relationship can be just as fiery and passionate as it was at 35, with each day feeling newer through the passing years and always leaving one’s partner with more to look forward to from day to day. The key is marrying or vowing to spend one’s life with that one they feel they can’t live without, and not settling for the one they can just simply live with.
Stage eleventh and last in relationship is communion. That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. Genesis 2:24.The term “one flesh” means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces and still be a whole. One is to be “glued” to his wife, a picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be.
This doesn’t mean both of you think exactly alike, that’s impossible in any kind of relationship. It also doesn’t have anything to do with religion. Please note that no relationship is ever perfect.
The real test here is how the two of you faces challenges together, and how the two of you still stays together despite the external or internal problems that arise between the two of you. No relationship ever becomes perfect, and it requires constant calibration to the situation and within the relationship.
Fr Joachim Omolo Ouko, AJ
Tel +254 7350 14559/+254 722 623 578
E-mail omolo.ouko@gmail.com
Facebook-omolo beste
Twitter-@8000accomole
Real change must come from ordinary people who refuse to be taken hostage by the weapons of politicians in the face of inequality, racism and oppression, but march together towards a clear and unambiguous goal.
-Anne Montgomery, RSCJ
UN Disarmament
Conference, 2002