From:   Mugo Muchiri
            Los Angeles
            August 24, 2008
 
 
What shocks me most about matters of governance in Kenya is the sheer magnitude of waste in government spending.  And I don’t believe I’m alone. 
 
The latest example of this, albeit still at the intent level, is the recent announcement by Head of the Civil Service Francis Muthaura that the wives of Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka and Prime Minister Raila Odinga will each be paid a Shs. 400,000 monthly allowance.  Evidently, Kenya needs their services to bolster its image abroad and at home.
 
To be sure both Mrs. Pauline Musyoka and Mrs. Ida Odinga are important role models for the nation.  Theirs is an important voice that can be used to further accelerate the healing process of a nation recently ruptured by violence of a magnitude unseen by most Kenyans.
 
But both are very gainfully employed, the former at the Central Bank of Kenya.  Mama Ida on the other hand manages and directs one of the largest companies in Nairobi’s Industrial Area.   Even if they weren’t, their families are extremely well taken care of by this government.  Therefore, Kenyans need to unequivocally reject Muthaura’s plan. 
 
There should be a hierarchy of priorities arrived at through a relatively simple means test when it comes to government spending.  Are there more pressing national needs where funds to the tune of KShs 10million a year (in this case) can be put use to?  We all know the answer to that.  Evidently not Muthaura.  When it comes to ‘elite’ spending, his spigot doesn’t seem to have an ‘off’ button. 
 
Recall the quiet Shs300,000 bump to the salaries of the forty or so PSs that he recently shepherded? The annual cost to the Exchequer of that adjustment alone:  Shs 144million give or take.  People, if there was a slogan that said it all, it’s the ‘HOOK-ME-UP’, stupid!
 
But don’t think for one moment that Muthaura has this market cornered.  After all, wasn’t it just several weeks ago that Metropolitan Development Minister Mutula Kilonzo treated us to that increasingly not so rare delight?  Have given much thought to the dire problem of traffic congestion in the city and its environs, what did Kilonzo and his team come up with?  Let’s build an extra lane for the exclusive use of the President, Vice President and Prime Minister.  I could imagine Kenyans literally flying off of their seats upon reading this!
 
What a brilliant idea!  In fact my only problem with the Minister is that he doesn’t go far enough in helping us realize just how special this trio is.  Why, Kilonzo needs to approach the World Bank to secure funding of a state-of-the-art sewage facility that would do exclusive processing of presidential, veep and right honorable poop.
 
And to anyone that has the guts to criticize Kilonzo, this Mutula damu has only one message for them: CONGRATULATIONS ON WINNING THE SOUR GRAPES AWARD.  NOW GO SUCK A LEMON!!! UTA DO? HAVEN’T YOU REALIZED THAT KENYA INAWENYEWE!!!
 
Seriously, HOW OUT OF TOUCH (oot) CAN THESE PEOPLE BE?  Do these folks remember that 60% of Nairobi residents live in the slums if a recent statistic is to be believed.  When did that oft-repeated ‘less-than-a-dollar-a-day’ phrase cease to gnaw at their conscience? 
 
But then again, let’s face it: If you were a lawyer that got paid legal fees the size of Burundi’s GDP during the Moi regime, then perhaps being forgiven for occasional OOT symptom flare-ups might be in order.
 
Well folks, it goes from good to absolutely delectable.  The Veep’s residence will soon be ready for occupancy.  Cost?  A whooping half billion Kenya shillings!  Well we know one guy who’ll soon be internally displaced!  Move to new digs, rent out the old mascan, plus pocket another Sh0.4million per month from the honey.  I’ll take that kind of internally displaced anytime!  Now what was that slogan again, Bwana Mugo?
 
Makes your mind go back to the NARC days when some of the high and mighty were intent on building a new State House.  One half billion shillings was the number being bandied around then.  When pressed about NARC frugality, which Cabinet Minister was it that came with the rather tart rejoinder: “Really we need it; the President can’t even meet with his Cabinet without being interrupted by pets!”? 
 
One could go on and on.  Cabinet travel: How much did the government spend when PM Raila Odinga was in Washington DC with five or so ministers in tow about 1.5 months ago?  Deputy PM Uhuru Kenyatta’s visit to Geneva for the DOHA trade round of talks, how much did that run?
 
Would you be surprised to learn that a single foreign trip by a Cabinet Minister (say one week) could easily cost taxpayers upwards of Shs. 1million?  Airfare, hotel accommodation, travel and meal allowances, hardship allowances, the list goes on and on.  Yet the operative question is how many countries have these folks NOT visited lately. 
 
These issues are important because they speak to matters of governance and the solemness with which taxpayer funds are utilized.  Kenyans can begin to understand why ours is such a highly taxed nation which itself feeds into the question of competitiveness of business and industry.  A high tax regimen makes it difficult for Kenyan businesses to effectively compete regionally.
 
Civil society needs to awaken to this most vital of responsibilities – applying pressure to curb wasteful government spending.  So does the Diaspora.  What about Parliament?  Don’t even go there! 
 
A country is judged by how it treats its least fortunate citizens.  FDI, tourism and all good things naturally flow to a nation whose government is fiscally responsible and cares for the security and wellbeing of its citizenry. 
 
Rates of return, expatriation of profits, tax holidays are important but secondary considerations.  May the government of Kenya rise to its historic calling and be truly concerned about the welfare of its citizenry.  This is the way to truly refurbish and burnish our national image, not by entertaining the ‘hook-me-up’ mentality.
 
Lakini if we fail in this task, then we might as well join Muthaura, Mutula & Co.  How about ministerial massage and manicure allowances, white hair disappearance allowance, even pet psychological counseling allowance?  Then again, maybe we should just arrange for these bottomless-pit spenders to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
 
TO OUR DEAR MAMAS: IDA na PAULINE
 
We love and cherish you for the lifelong support you have given your spouses.  Both of you were profusely thanked by your respective husbands during the election campaigns.  Were it not for your love and support, they said, neither of them would not have traveled this far in their leadership quest.  You made the journey easier for them. 
 
We know you both love Kenya very much.  After all, it is the country that allowed your loved ones to ascend to the highest echelons of society. 
 
In the case of Ida, we recall with compassion those lonely years at Kenya High; the constant harassment you and your family were subjected to; the loneliness of having to make life’s journey without the presence and support of your beloved; but more than anything  the great fortitude of character and personal strength in soldering on and in being your family’s primary nurturer. 
 
Indeed were it not for the great strength of the woman in you, I doubt that Kenyans would have been treated to the true delight of seeing your very own son Fidel gaze so lovingly into the eyes of his ravishingly beautiful wife, not to mention the conveyance of the subtextual message that when the Almighty blesses you with the love of another human being, all differences including those of tribe just melt away.  LOVE IS THE GREATEST UNITER.
 
We thank you for your sacrifice, Paulina and Ida.  Being dutiful mothers and wise counselors, we are sure that you are most sensitive to the plight of the vast majority of Kenyans who MAY NEVER EARN IN A LIFETIME WHAT THEY ARE PROPOSING TO PAY YOU IN JUST ONE MONTH.
 
WE URGE YOU TO GENTLY BUT FIRMLY DECLINE THIS MONEY.  TELL MUTHAURA (AND THE NATION THROUGH HIM) THAT THIS MONEY CAN BE PUT TO GREATER USE ELSEHOW.
 
Charity Ngilu says women should be embraced at all leadership levels.  That they are better custodians of humanity; that they possess an innate ability to cultivate and nurture what is good for a family and a nation; that most of all they do not countenance waste, excess or negligence.
 
PLEASE DO THE RIGHT THING FOR US ALL.  The nation watches………….with bated breadth.
 
 
CONCLUSION
 
And so, from the son of Ndunge, aka the Ker of Southern CA, it’s kwaheri ya kuonana.  As you all know, the Ker wears a golden ring with 2 bands on his finger, the one band having been retrieved from the summit of Mt. Kenya while the other from the deepest point in Lake Victoria.
 
Due to overwhelming demand, Ker ring-kissing sessions will resume shortly in LA.  Adherence to the following points will get you closer to the front of the anticipated long lines:
 

  you have taught your children how to properly eat ugali and sukuma wiki (the food with the least carbon footprint in the world) by making ‘othunje’
  you’ve succeeded in limiting your morning showers to less than 4minutes (hey, we gotta thump the Australians just like Michael Phelps did in Beijing!)
  you treat your spouse and collegues with gentleness and understanding and are never as uncompromising and stubborn as an irate Kisii, Meru or mSomali nor as cunning as a feisty Kiambu woman; after all, who gains when you throw your spouse or buddy into the arms of Cobalt’s RP10?
  you use body odor deodorant that’s both paraben and aluminum free
  you’ve managed to shave off 1 inch from kitambi in the last one month
  you believe that Sungu Sungu needs a little Mungu Mungu
 
TAKE CARE,
NDUGU NA DADA. 

LET US BUILD A WONDERFUL KENYA WITH BUT ONE SET OF LAWS THAT CARES FOR ITS CITIZENS

– – –
Date:  Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:48:22 -0700
From:  Mugo Muchiri
Subject:  A COUNTRY OR A GRAVY TRAIN?