*From:* martin odhiambo
*Sent:* Monday, December 15, 2008 12:23:59 PM
*Subject:* We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
After sometimes she becomes hard headed.
Why dont we make marriages like contracts. Renewable after 5 years at owners discretion.
Odhis.
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On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 1:39 AM, caroline mutheu wrote:
i totally agree, two years max … but then again that essence of marriage according to biblical teachings ceases to exist … maybe people shouldn’t get married until they are completely sure ……….. maybe introduce fines for the unfaithful and prenups!
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On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 12:58 PM, James mwenda wrote:
Personally I also think in the modern world that we live in the concept of being with one person for the rest of your life is totally out of touch with reality. Can it happen, yes but it tends to be the exception rather than the rule. That is why I am also in favor of term-marriages. Just like life insurance where there is whole life and term life policies there should be marriages with term limits. it would work something like this. Since marriage is a legally binding financial as well as social relationship (Something that is not emphasized in the beginning, but sure as hell is in a divorce) the financial terms of the marriage relationship should be spelled out in advance. Things like property, potential child support and other issues should be worked out in advance. This makes people go into marriages with there eyes open, and will probably take some of the bloom off the romance angle. The marriage would have a mutually agreed upon term, be it three, five or ten years. If for any reason the marriage terminates before the agreed upon term the financial aspects of the divorce are already worked out. At the end of the term a couple would have the option of either renewing for another terms or disbanding the union based on the agreement made before the marriage.
My 2Cents,
James Mwenda.
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I think we need to be a little bit sober while handling some of these topics ! marriage is such a sacred thing actually instituted by God, for those of us who trust what the bible says. come to think of it 20-30 years down the line. our children we all be of single parents, will never learn to appreciate marriage since there will be no role models and not to mention how many people will be suffering depressions.
is it that we are trying to avoid responsibility, commitment or what is it with our generation?
try to figure out how your life would be today if you came from a family of such contracts. marriage is good and let me assure you it can be fun, satisfying and a worthy venture. it all depends on us. lets not take it as a performance contract coz that’s not what its meant to be.
my opinion
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:14:01 +0300 [12/15/2008 04:14:01 AM CST]
From: Sally Kirika
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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On 12/15/08, john mwangi wrote:
hie all i think whoever brought this up is about to get married but the friends and pals are making him/her think otherwise. anyway i would say that if its about contract its not Christian you all know when, those who are joined in holy matrimony can go on their separate ways. Further to that why on contract that is cheap sex.
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John Mwangi,
sorry but you totally missed the point here, its not about religion neither about sex, to me its about preference, what i want in my short life, and what i know suits me to make my life sweet. Hope you know that only change lasts forever!
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:19:56 +0300 [12/15/2008 04:19:56 AM CST]
From: Franklyne Terewa
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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What has this world come to, God is watching you people.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 02:25:00 -0800 [12/15/2008 04:25:00 AM CST]
From: quinoya diemo
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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One week ago, i watched my parents celebrate their 40 years anniversary in marriage. What a joy it was as they remembered their long walk together; in sickness and in health, in poverty and in riches, for good and for bad. Indeed they were the envy of of us all. So the question that came to mind was; so what difference exists between their generation and ours that they held family with high esteem, knowing it is the foundation of the society. They treasured and esteemed moral values, and were committed to the basic values that are only a dream in our generation. When the family is divided, so is the society and the country. That is why we hear of shootings in schools and nearer home child/infant rapes being rampant. Where are the morals that we are to pass on to our children?
A generation when same sex marriage is upheld, where gays are appointed as pastors and bishops in churches. No difference i would think with the times of sodom and gomorrah. Because we have thrown off the window the basic moral values that are the foundation of the society, in embrace of westernization. My guess is that if God does not punish us, then he better apologize to sodom and gomorrah.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:27:30 +0200 [12/15/2008 04:27:30 AM CST]
From: James Nganga
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Why go for the contract? Get a come-we-stay, whenever you get bored, go your separate ways…? Why insist on getting married and watering down the significance of marriage?
On Mon, Dec 15, 2008 at 1:38 PM,
I believe it is called marriage because it is supposed to last for the rest of your lives.
It is like any contract except that the rules are for life. It is difficult yes but that’s just what it is. Why do people always want the easy way out. Can you imagine yourself telling your grandchildren the story of how you have been with your spouse all the years despite the obstacles? Can you imagine the sense of achievement that you were able to overcome the little temptations in life to be with the one you love? We all just want to take, take, take and not give fully. If we gave as much as we took, marriage would definitely have relevance in today’s society but sadly it is waning.
Marriage is for life and if you want a contract, call it something else. I’m sure there is a court out there that will allow you to do so.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:47:34 +0300 [12/15/2008 04:47:34 AM CST]
From: Phares Kariuki
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Please… spare us this one, don’t blame the law for being not willing to
marry
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:02:12 +0300 [12/15/2008 05:02:12 AM CST]
From: jensdy
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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James,
Who started this issue of marriage? And when?
What were the terms then?
You see james, its only the creator who can do the modification of his product.
Do you have answers to the above questions?
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:01:01 +0300 [12/15/2008 05:01:01 AM CST]
From: jensdy
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Linda and Diemo,
I share in with your sentiments, marriage is for a lifetime guys. Frank and others look back at your lives. If you come from a single parent home, pole sana. But if you come from a home where your mum and dad raised you up, what message are you sending us? I would request you to go and share this with your parents, if they are still alive to break up since to you marriage makes no sense…tell them to separate and that you’re sorry they stayed together and brought you up in such a home!!!! That all their efforts to stay together despite the challenges are meaningless and of no value to you.
It seems you talk from a point where either you’ve been heartbroken or your dreams disappointed. I however would like to encourage you to know that after the rain, there is a beautiful rainbow and you can live a rewarding, rich, deep, meaningful and satisfying marriage life…it all starts with you…watch your thoughts and attitude towards marriage….and your company..what they say about marriage….we all need someone to stand by us through the tough times and someone to encourage us when faced with challenging moments, someone to care for and who’d care back, someone to love and love us back, to fight with every battle in life, a life companion…..Check again before you say that marriage should be redefined…..for who and why and how?
If you want it redefined, please start the process but not airing your frustrations over this forum…we’re respectable men and women who esteem this institution. Everybody needs just some little love to prosper and the need to know you’re loved and you presence on earth is of value to humanity…..that is all we ever care for in life…..
I finish with a quote “the happiest of people are not necessarily those who have everything in life, but those who can do with what they have and appreciate the little things they have”
” The best things in life are free ….. happiness, health, joy and laughter”
My take, sorry if I was too harsh…
Regards
Josiah
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:12:34 +0300 [12/15/2008 05:12:34 AM CST]
From: josiah ogalo
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Josiah,
Thanks for the good word, there is no excuse for what the people here are advocating. We all know what the bible says regarding the same so whoever chooses the ways of the world is an enemy to God and judgement day is coming people everyone will stand and give account of their lives to God and God will not ask you which generation you were born in His word is all that will matter. Lets get serious guys.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 03:32:44 -0800 [12/15/2008 05:32:44 AM CST]
From: quinoya diemo
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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God started the whole issue of marriage in the garden of eden, right from Genesis (for those of us who believe in the holy bible). To recap, God created Adam, and from his rib, he formed Eve (while Adam was asleep). When Adam awoke and saw Eve, he said, she is bone of my bone and fresh of my flesh. She will be called Woman.
Clearly, this shows that sexuality is not an accident by nature but a gift from God. Terms; procreating and dominion.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:37:39 +0200 [12/15/2008 05:37:39 AM CST]
From: James Nganga
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Who can predict how the person you are going to marry is going to change five, ten or fifteen years down the road? Marriage is life’s biggest trap. The personality of the woman you initially married may not even exist. Times change and people change, yet a person is expected to put up with all their patners nuisances for the sake of matriamony, NOT!
James Mwenda
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 03:44:51 -0800 [12/15/2008 05:44:51 AM CST]
From: James mwenda
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Mwenda,
Who says life is bliss living with you? Perhaps the problem is that you are difficult to live with, and your partner stomachs it, which changes their character? Why do people always assume that they are the ‘perfect marriage partner?’ Don’t be so trigger happy, do what you can to and work at your marriage. Perhaps she’s always angry because of some idiosyncrasies you have and is just sick and tired of raising them with you? It takes two to tango.
I’m not attacking Mwenda here by the way, just that too many times I have noticed people complain that their partners have changed… Behaviour’s do change, but people basically do not, perhaps the good of the new character elements that have formed should be glorified? If he/she’s stopped working 16 hrs a day, he/she’s spending more time with the family? You may not have as much money but the problem is the partner will be called ‘lazy’ with someone wanting the best of both… you can’t have your cake and eat it… me thinks…
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:53:13 +0300 [12/15/2008 05:53:13 AM CST]
From: Phares Kariuki
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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Marriage is more like waking up every morning and going to work. It is never easy, at times your body just has no ounce of strenght, but there is that driving force that keeps you moving. Even when the work environment is not good, you keep working and trying to make things better (as far as you can). So is marriage, keep working at it, keep giving it your best. Only for unfaithfulness are you supposed to divorce (according to the good book-bible). Or in the case of being abused (categorized under a non-christian spouse leaving). Otherwise, if you leave her/him for other reasons, then you should not re-marry but remain single. According to God, you will still be married to your wife/husband, and having another by the side will be adultery.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:08:46 +0200 [12/15/2008 06:08:46 AM CST]
From: James Nganga
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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I know some of you will come to me with quotes from the Bible, don’t get me wrong i am such a believer,but why should i suffer in silence when i am fed up with the marriage,we are human beings and we like the best for us,that is why we change cars that we once liked and now we don’t ,cos of one reason or another,if the car is still fine i guess we will trudge on with it,if you are fed up with a certain house that you once so loved,you search for another that will make you more comfy and happier,don’t get me wrong we are human beings and i know that material things can be changed,why NOT our mental,physical and emotional happiness? i don’t buy the ’till death do us apart business’How can u guarantee that you will love someone till you die?and how long is forever?how in the hell are you supposed to know how you gonna feel in five ten twenty years from now unless you are clairvoyant?I mean should you feel bad because your feelings change?Hell maybe we weren’t meant to stay with one person forever!Any way i wil
l do a contract which ever way, legally or not.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 04:12:51 -0800 [12/15/2008 06:12:51 AM CST]
From: mercy kivanda
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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James Mwendwa,
This is why, God should be the author of your marriage for He never changes He is the same yesterday, today and forever and no matter what you say, the word of God is superior to all the ideologies in your mind and wherever else just remember He created you and He expects you to follow His word.
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 04:14:51 -0800 [12/15/2008 06:14:51 AM CST]
From: quinoya diemo
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW
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If nganga thats a school of thought that is acceptable, then we need contracts, coz we keep changing jobs man!
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Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2008 04:18:02 -0800 [12/15/2008 06:18:02 AM CST]
From: Franklyne Terewa
Subject: Re: We Need to Rewrite Marriage Rules NOW