Can We Keep On Paying Bride Price?
Abdalah Hamis
Tue, Dec 15, 2009
Over the years, it has been a tradition, that whenever a man wants to
marry, then bride price must be paid. In other countries, especially
in Asia, and previously in Europe, it was the other way. The family of
the girl had to pay dowry.
Dowry is what the family of the girl pays to the family of the man,
while bride price is what the man pays to the family of the girl.
In India, dowry has been misused, to the extent that the family of the
man demand a lot. Sometimes the girl is even killed if the dowry is
not enough. In Africa, bride price has been commercialized. A highly
educated girl commands more. In the past, it was a girl who was of
good virtue and a hard working virgin who commanded a high price.
Where do we get hardworking virgins today?
I believe both bride price and dowry have outlived their usefulness. We
cannot talk about sex equality and still continue with these
practices.
These practices must stop, and the sooner the better.
Bride price to those parents who understands it is already abolished.
Am getting married this Sunday and I have paid none of the bride price. I went to visit the parents in order to know the amount, but they said go and have a blessed wedding.
I always was waiting in a shock on what will happen wakinidai kuubwa basi ailipe mke kwani siko tayari kumnunua.
Abdalah,
Napenda kutofautiana na wewe kuwa kulipa mahari ni mila iliyopitwa na wakati kwa sababu nitakazozitaja hapa
1. Ulipaji mahali ni mojawapo ya nguzo na kielelezo chetu muhimu sisi kama jamii ya kiafrika ikiwa hatua mojawapo ya kutimiza tunapochumbiana na hatimaye kuoana.
2. Tofauti na wengi ambavyo tumekuwa tukichukulia mahali si bei ama thamani ya mchumba wako la hasha, mahali ni asante na alama ya kuheshimu kukubalika kwako kwenye jamii unayooa. Na ndio maana inatofautiana kutoka jamiii moja kwenda nyingine; bahati mbaya imekuwa ikitumika vibaya na wakati mwingine hata kufika kukomoana; lakini hilo sio lengo la mahali na pia si lazima mahali iondolewae eti tu kwa sababu kumetokea kasoro za kibinadamu hapa na pale.
Hivyo naamini mahari katika jamii bado inayonafsi yake muhimu kama mojawapo ya alama zinazotutanabahisha na kututambulisha hasa kama waafrika.
Lufingo Sadiki
Dodoma.
The United Republic of Tanzania.
Jeje Peter
Can We afford not to continue paying bride price?
I agree bride price in its current form may be outmoded, my worry however is that we throw away parts of our culture that become “inconvenient” without replacing them. It is like cutting trees without planting others. Our culture forest is bound to disappear sooner or later.
The bride price was not a price, but rather a token of appreciation. Appreciation of the effort and resources that went into the raising of the lady in question. Appreciation that now she will use her skills and abilities to further the development of her new family and community. Appreciation that should God bless her with children, they in turn will protect, in whatever way, and help to develop their family and community.
It is true that bride price was not to buy the lady, there is no price high enough to buy a person
But, more importantly, the process of “paying” the “price” at least among Luos had a very important function of bonding the in law families together. It was quite a deliberately protracted process and was used to bring the two communities closer together, internally and in relation to one another.
Even if the father of the boy was rich enough, his brothers (the father’s) usually contributed. Such shared responsibility kept extended families close together. The process was drawn up, yaani it was never a one time visit, like going to a furniture shop and paying for a bed, even if there was enough cows to do so.
Because the boy’s people made several trips, and each time there were several people, including young boys that drove the cattle, the two families ended up knowing each other very well. The young boys also got to know the young girls and some would even choose their future brides in the process.
The host community converged at the girl’s home and got to know, and entertained the in laws. The group mingled at different age levels. At the end, all the people who care about the marriage on both sides would have eaten together, laughed together and become friends.
The mother of the bride would have shared her part of “the Price” with her “nyiekene”. The uncles would have shared part of the father’s “price”. The grooms sisters in law would have received gifts for helping with cooking, and the groom will have ended up winning the whole clan to his side.
By the time the actual marriage is taking place almost everybody who matter to the new couple will be having a stake in the success of the marriage, and it will not be just up to the couple to terminate the marriage if they feel like. To me it is this whole bonding process that we lose by rejecting bride price out of hand, and hence the need to replace it.
I know, I am talking of replacing a tall tree here. But where is even the shrub to replace it?, And do not tell me that a 1hr wedding ceremony followed by a 2 hr reception, where speakers have to strictly adhere to 5 minutes duration is an adequate replacement.
bride price in t.a.c was very important as mentioned above for it acted as a seal of the relationship btw the bride and the bridgroom,it was also a sign of appreciation for the family of bride,bride price also binded the two family involved, all in all today it has been commercialized.