Honorable politician, kindly permit me to break into the residence or your current expensive chore vis-à-vis the person of your ethics as some ‘mheshimiwa’.

May I also indulge you as I trouble your duty for your constituents with a few borrowed reflections that previously that tainted some of your colleagues and the house that ordinary Kenyans put you in.

As I avoid other collateral political subjects of criticizing you and your office I wish to enquire that position of your mundane ethics as a constituent that voted for you.

Certainly, many still revere the memory of the past parliament that failed Kenyans. Though I respect and honor your elective abilities, I still find it hard to determine the species in you as a politician.

Maybe my acute understanding of your political position would not be sufficient, alone, without your walking the talk as expressed during campaigns and the last minute pleads at the ballot box. Yes! A more moral one than an elective one in the eyes of Kenyan voters. This, then, should allow us to enumerate you where you belong or make us complete the ‘catalogue’ of corrupt leaders in you even as you remain in high regard in parliament as a honourable politician. But then, how honourable are you?

On the other hand, history seems to be defining Kenya as a brothel with citizens as prostitutes of their own politicians. The elite have chosen to play lose with rigor and with a coalition in a vacuum.

During the December 2007 electoral campaigns, ordinary Kenyans were seduced, lied to, offered promises and later indulged in bloody post-election copulation with their politicians. Unfortunately, ordinary Kenyans never used any logical contraception against their politicians who in turn had tribalism and ethnic hatred in their blood. We chose to sleep with them as they sought for elusive votes. That was the same period in which ordinary Kenyans were strapped and were stooping so low for handouts in exchange for their voting rights. Now that we have onerstuffed the cabinet, Kenyans would rather ODM-PNU unwraps the cabinet of national ethics.

With the recent mutually zombifying high-rise chess played by PNU/ODM-K and ODM teams, ODM politicians have since become mutated outsiders that are now insiders.

This proves that politicians are nevertheless similar to the malfeasant Anopheles Mosquitoes of Kenyapulation. Their naked and corrupt political proboscis only drain the cents of the ordinary taxpayers without sense while venomously vomiting sectarian elite capitalism, class, segregation, tribal hatred, social disintegration and literally legalizing misappropriation trends into our weak veins. This has even made our dogs to howl and chickens to flap their wings with this type of old corrupto-democracy.

Even with the now infamous Kibaki-Raila coated tablet of grand coalition in place, the butter on Kibaki’s bread and jam on Raila’s cake seems to be a short-time juicified illusion to silence the voice of change, reason and democracy at the grassroots. It is unfortunate that the lake is being traded for some mountain with no ownership.

Some time ago Clarence Page, a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, wrote that, ‘If your only tool is a hammer, everything (else) looks like a nail’. Between Kibaki and Raila who seems to be the nail and/or hammer?

For the ordinary Kenyan, what we yearn to have are more sophisticated tools to bring back socio-economic, constitutional and political sanity to our nation and not machetes and spears.

Seemingly ordinary Kenyans are now voiceless and are barely ready to be pounced on again and again, until 2012 when the political mischief shall be eyeing the ballot. In fact, with a loose and overbloated grand cabinet, ordinary citizens are left desperate, poor and disoriented as politicians pull the strings from all corners of the nation.

Politicians and the business class have no interest in bringing real change to the grassroots but only have a high affinity for bloated cheeks and stomachs, gout, prostitution and exacerbating death for the locals.

Kenyans are eager to know who bats for their side even as the spell of power is squarely in their hands. We need not have political crusaders and their abundant ministry of selfishness. Or is your politician averse to your social and economic independence!

As we circumvent varied immoralities by our politicians, may we remind ourselves that weeks ago some of your colleagues were seen baby-sitting young teenage girls at some hotel in Kampala, Uganda . This was when the UK-based reggae band UB 40 had come to perform in that city. Maybe your colleagues brought pomp and color by massaging the egos of these Ugandan call girls. I do not want to be politically correct to state that all that was part of electoro-political support advanced to them to congratulate them for winning again against the opposition, that political seat. What your colleagues did was to help carry Nairobi ’s Koinange Street and some private residential brothels that portend to be massage parlors to Kampala and its environs.

Surprisingly, they forgot to have with them the local call girls whom they chose to leave in the streets of Nairobi , to misadventure themselves with spicy foreign brunettes. With their titles worn all over their chests as badges, they took with them Kenyan shillings and left behind real sense.

They left behind their perceived morals honourable politicians back in parliament and they forgot their constituents. They became more neighbourly to the little call girls than when they were with the family and in the house of business.

This last sentiment hurriedly takes me to the corridors of New York and its ‘Times’ newspaper to remind you about a story on the hounding out of office and recent ablation of the forty-eight year old former state Attorney General (AG) and New York governor, Eliot Spitzer.

Again, history reminds us that the ninth parliament had been composed of some very corrupt, incompetent and unethical groups of cartels whose members disguised themselves as honourable and who pretended to serve their constituents and the nation, only for them to service their bellies and groins.

It is sorry to note that some of them ate the fireman’s bullet as they sought fleshy affairs away from home with someone’s sweetheart. I call this a short stint with the boda boda that they courageously rode at the expense of their metallic Mercedes Benz and Prado, combined.

Back in the streets of New York, the twenty-two year old Ashley Alexanda Dupre nicknamed ‘Kristen’ and referred by the FBI as a ‘pretty petite brunette’, was having a ‘fleshy-pizza-fling’ as a call girl with the governor in his hotel room while it was under surveillance.

Unfortunately, cameras don’t lie. They simply leaked the sexual escapade to the media.

The now famous ‘Spitzer for Pizza’ experience is what sent the governor packing on the 17th of March this year for gross misconduct, a charge he accepted without argument.

According to the ‘very expensive’ call girl, she had been paid about Ksh. 288,100 that night. If the governor was paying the girl Ksh. 65,000 an hour for sex, a massage and company, what can make a Kenyan politician and MP not pay even more, for they earn a lot more than their foreign counterparts?! This should indicate that our politicians have been consulting very expensive’ call girls for commercial intimacy even in the streets.

Besides that the governor’s former paramour has now offered to ‘scale up’ her acts by offering to pose nude in a magazine for $1 million (Ksh. 67 million).

Consequently, the governor apologized for his ‘private failings.’ Ironically, he had previously been accused of ‘presenting himself as the epitome of moral virtue by day and recklessly hunted in the gutter of society by night’.

Spitzer had a good name for prosecuting the corrupt, including prostitutes when he was the state AG. Unfortunately, he was felled by the same ‘bullet’ he used to bring down his victims.
This came in handy for those who alleged that the former governor was involved in money laundering to a suspected prostitution ring.

Wait a jiffy. The world will always be small and mothers, as envious protectors of their daughter’s welfare would be partisan.

Ashley-the-call-girl’s mother told the press that many had thought that her daughter was between forty-two and thirty-two years old due to her ability and maturity in handling a promising and prominent governor. What a candid confession!

Back to our soil. Many local call girls, including students in secondary schools and those from universities, polytechnics and local colleges in Nairobi and other urban centers are believed to be handling high profile personalities including politicians and businessmen for money and other incentives like fees and pocket money.

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with a friend years back at Simmers restaurant in Nairobi. He informed me that he was once told by a call girl how her colleagues would entice politicians to sleep with them for money, which they accepted. She could be picked up and taken to a hotel, office and sometimes to a private residence for commercial sex and some ‘pizza bites’, whatever that meant. She even admitted to having lost monthly financial benefits and weekly incentives that had helped her rent a house after her ‘boyfriend’ lost massive property as investment during the post-election crisis. She bragged that she had quite a number of private personal contacts including cell-phone numbers and other confidential details of prominent personalities.

A cold shocker came when she informed us that one of her friends had confessed to her that she was HIV positive and that she had been sleeping with high profile personalities without any contraceptives or protection. She did this by deceivingly convincing them that she preferred unprotected sex for she appeared ‘very safe’, young, beautiful and caring before them though her intention was to revenge ‘softly’ after being infected by one of them, a man who is now deceased. Painfully, her mission is still on and many are still on her list though she is on anti-retrovirals (ARV) and appears to be healthy.

This then should remind our politicians of the ‘boda boda’ affairs that they have been having at the expense of ethical work and commitments that Kenyans expect from them even with hefty salaries in their pockets and lest they leave office sooner than later. Ask the former New York governor.

Mundia Mundia Jnr.