From: Leila Abdul
Date: Wed, Aug 5, 2009 at 4:40 AM
Subject: Re: To: African Men In The Diaspora
I guess we will call it another curses of the black race.
Here, every other first generation born or immigrant from Vietnam, China, Phillipines, India, Pakistan, Poland, Russia, name it all, and not to mention the Jews will embrace their own, network and inter marry one another. Supporting each other in a genuine and mutually trusting relationship. But for the blacks it is a nightmare. Their stories are horrific. This one has chased this one out, duped him/her, stolen from him/her, abandoned her with kids, reported him/her to state authorities, immigration or IRS and so on. That is their own ways of proving to be smart. Always on look out for loopholes to con and deceive someone.
That is why the black people are under populated, but highly over represented in using welfare services, and chronic and enduring dependence on the state funded services. All becuase of dysfunctional relationships and homes that are not condusive for stable family functioning.
They will just take advantage of the slightest vulnerability or their perception of weakness or dominance over one another, and hurt without thinking, at the end of the day the state will pick up the tabs.
While the white people here will always value trust and friendship the most, more than any titles or marriage certificate, even when they are old they are so caring, attentive and always there for their mates, even in instances of divorce, they will always support and be there for the other one.
So at the end of the day, the intelligent black girls who have a bright future, with nothing to loose and also with a great rewarding career, would rather remain single and at least keep their dignity and sanity intact. Why would they hang around any man who does not truly care or offer support?
When it comes to procreation, you might as well head for orphanages in sub sahara African and give one lucky little boy or girl a good chance in life, than waste your energy or money on an imbecile of a man.
On Jul 27, 11:15 am, Juma Mzuri wrote:
Unfortunately, your article contains a lot of falsehoods and perpetuates too many stereotypes.
The fact of the matter is that in the west, the vast majority of African men still marry their African Queens, even though they (the men) have a much wider choice out there.
The fact of the matter is that African women in the west are in competition with women from all parts of the world – a situation they are unfamiliar with, coming from homebase. This ‘New Challenge’ to our women comes in the form of exciting new cultures, new visual stimuli, new sounds and new thinking.
The fact of the matter is that African women in the west – rightly or wrongly – do not look beyond their relatively small pool of men from their home countries, their own ethnic groups and some even their own little villages. Let the statisticians tell us how this, combined with the ‘New Challenge’, now skews the probability of finding the ‘right man’ away from the African woman.
True, many men may seek out women who have what our sistahs self- righteously define as ‘perverse’. But if the truth be told, African women are no different – they are just more discreet about what they should, can and will do. I always say that men know more about the deeds of women than they know about themselves. Thats not hard to figure out. African women are not prudes and are not as ‘uncreative’ as they would like the world to believe. They’re just more pragmatic with the time and the place.
Finally, the fact of the matter is that non-African men do find African women attractive – for many reasons. But what is the point if our women refuse to give them a second look?
Caribbean brothers are dating and marrying African sistahs in increasing numbers nowadays. Likewise white Europeans. Many of the qualities you mention are responsible. But lets just say that black women in general, and African women in particular, have been very slow to recognise that WANABIDII now has visitors from all over the world, of all races.
You’ve got to change with the times Sistahs.
Good luck!
On Jul 27, 11:05 am, Khadija AbdulRazak wrote:
To: African Men in the Diaspora
From: African Women in the Diaspora
Re: Several Issues We Wish to Discuss! Plus, You Are Our Only Hope…
July 24, 2009
Just this once, please allow me to put aside trying to be proper and worrying about correct tenses and punctuations. I want to talk to you in a language we can both understand without punctuations and grammar/ spell check getting in the way and slowing me down. My African sisters and I came together and decided it is time to get some things off our chests! Most of the naturally light skinned ones said they did not care and did not want to get involved because they had no problem. But, we know they are lying, for most of them are also still single too.
The younger sister of Mansa’s friend got married last weekend in Ghana and she is only 25 years-old. This got Mansa feeling nervous because a lot of us, similarly attractive, well educated sisters in the Diaspora have not yet been as lucky and we are pushing 35! Now we won’t admit this, but we are all so uneasy. We think if we don’t come to our senses and ask some serious questions, we will all die old and alone with our big degrees, luxury cars, and flashy homes! So, we wanted to come to you, our men in the Diaspora, and find out what is going on.
We want to know why many of you have abandoned us for other women, and why you watch us slowly fade into oblivion. One day, we will all have vanished leaving behind no trace of our existence. We are slowly becoming an endangered species, and we want to know why.
White men don’t want us because we do not meet the standard “beauty” definition. Black men run away from us because they say we are too educated and opinionated and unsubmissive. European men would rather date and marry one of their own. Don’t even get me started on Asian men; they won’t even look us in the eye because they have no respect for us. They think all we’re about is to come into their hair supply stores every week to get a different brand and length of weave and fading creams. But what are we to do? We can’t please everyone. We can’t be ourselves; and when we try to be someone else too we are labeled insecure?!
Amma run into this sister of ours from Kenya the other day and she looked weird. Her face was as light as butter cream but her neck said her face used to be a darker color. All this so one of her own would find her attractive.
Then there’s this our Nigerian sister who tries too hard to look … well, even we are confused about what she is trying to do with her hair. Today it’s long and wavy. Tomorrow, different story. Cecilia said she almost didn’t even recognize her.
Don’t even get me started on my Ghanaian sisters for I know them too well and I don’t want to be the one to snitch and embarrass anyone. Let’s just keep this between you and me (whisper). “Her eyes are really dark brown and not hazel like you think. And when she and I talk, she does not sound so proper and prim. Her accent is as heavy as yours. She’s just faking it to impress you.”
My Ivorian sister confided in me the other day that you wanted to put your sacred member where things should only come out of. When she protested, you threw her aside and said you were going to Michelle’s house because Michelle doesn’t mind where you put, what you yourself apparently have named, “torture rod.” Of course Michelle will let you do whatever with … em … what’s his name … “torture rod?” because she has no respect for herself, or her body. To her, it is a playground for any man who wants to play hide and go seek! You used to respect us, what happened?
When we were all back in our various African countries, you told us you would die for us! You jumped our father’s high walls decorated with sharp-edged broken bottles and barb wire, and even the hedged fences, to profess your undying love. You would not stop calling even after daddy gyata (lion) yelled at you and threatened to shoot you in places we need not mention if you ever called “his” phone again.
Some of you bought us fake plastic flowers which we gladly accepted because we did not know we could have the real thing. I remember the teddy bear Kwame gave me for Valentine’s Day. I named him Kwame Snuggly because he looked just like Kwame and was so snuggly, and I know he had to really scrape and save to buy it for me. Even though he is now one-eyed, I still love and cherish him and snuggle him every night in memory of what we once had, and the sacrifices you were willing to make to ensure I was happy. Of course, then all you knew was that I was beautiful and worthy. I was your African queen. Now you are asking me “why have dark chocolate when there are all these different flavors?” What a cruel, cruel world.
We want to be ourselves and still be accepted! If you won’t accept us for bettering ourselves, who else will? Obviously no one! And many of us are suffering in silence because when we talk you allow your non- African wives to jump on us and call us names.
See, mummy told us if we were good girls and learned how to cook and clean, that we would find good African men to marry us. This is why even when some of us were hitting the books hard and burning the midnight oil to compete with you guys in secondary school and the university, we still found time to enter the smoldering kitchen to learn how to chop onions, cut our fingers, have our fingers burned by flaming charcoal, and even learn how to cook your favorite yam and egusi stew. And let’s face it, we did have to work twice harder than you because after a long day in school we still had to go home and cook while you all got to release your stress on the football field and/or study whenever you wanted.
Funmi says her mother used to tell her that knowing too much book will not get her a good man to marry and boy was she right!
When we were up at 4:30 am sweeping the large compound, you all were snoring away. So what, that we had two house girls at home? Mummy was not having her girls not know how to clean their husband’s compound and bring shame to her name. She taught us well and we appreciate it even if not for your benefit, but for our own benefit.
Personally, I hate egusi stew but I figured what if my husband likes it and I don’t know how to cook it, then what? So I learned how to cook it anyway. All for you ooh, all for you! Now I hear that you are choosing other women who can’t even cook over us because of love. What’s love got to do with it? This no be love matter oh, this be the “principle of the matter” matter!
Leave love to the others! We want love too. They already have many many choices of men who will snatch them as soon as you drop them, but like I stated earlier, you are all we have because other men don’t find us attractive! They don’t want us! Even with the hazel eyes, long weaves and light faces, other men know real blond when they see one. They can easily separate the fake ones from the real ones from across a room.
Even as we learned how to make egusi stew and yam, we also learned how to be educated, classy ladies. Many of us have single-handedly worked two jobs to put ourselves through the university so that we can have smart conversations with you and not embarrass you in front of company. We can talk just as good as the other women and we know that champagne goes in the glasses with the long …
