—– Forwarded message from joycewaithaka@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:19:47 +0300
From: Joyce Waithaka
Subject: Why go after my husband
I found out my husband had a brief affair with someone I thought was my friend. She was someone I confided in and trusted. The affair started and ended within a month. We are in marraige counseling and my husband is very sorry for his actions. I am VERY angry.
I want to know why. I would like to hear why other women knowingly go after somelse’s husband. I would like to hear a reasonable answer on how anyone can be willing to hurt other’s for their selfish enjoyment.
How can a woman ever think it’s ok to sleep with another woman’s husband? Why would anyone be so selfish and self absorbed to hurt not only their own family but some elses? What are you thinking when it all breaks apart?
I have a million questions. I do not understand how a woman can do this to another woman. Can someone please help me understand?
LOve
Joyce
—– Forwarded message from cirumariga2007@. . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:32:57 +0100
From: Maryann Wanjiru
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce
As much as you are very angry, do u pose to think maybe the other woman is not the problem but your husband, he could still have done it with some other lady anyway, not really your friend? yaani she didnt go after him but the other way round?
try and look at both sides of the coin, and anyway men cheat at somepoint so expect more.
and focus on the reason(s) that made him stray and address them, that way u r more likely to prevent future recurrence of the same.
Blame games will hurt you more.
or alternatively kuwa na mpango wa kando to be even,
Best of luck.
—– Forwarded message from arniewam@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:39:22 +0300
From: Arnette Wambaire
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce,
Welcome to the harsh reality that is LIFE!!! Men will always have affairs whether they are married, engaged or searching. The sooner you accept this fact and stop blaming ONLY the woman when there were two people involved (your hubby & the sidekick of the moment), the faster you will heal emotionally & live with caution and zero trust in ur husband. Its a TOUGH LIFE we live in!!
—– Forwarded message from nginaelizabeth@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 04:40:58 -0700 (PDT)
From: Ngina
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
I think the most stupid response a woman will give for going out with a married man is that they are stable. Me I believe karma is real, so what goes around, definatey will
come around and with all the single people around, why choose to go to one who is already in a relationship? I think its sad and pathetic for someone to date someone in an already existing relationship
Just understand, we know our true friends based on their action and from this one, she wasnt your friend. I am so sorry for what happened to you and pray to God to give you grace to handle this matter
—– Forwarded message from kjayanoris@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:32:53 +0300
From: Kelvin
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Pole Joyce.
Sina words hata. Perhaps it was not a malicious act? Perhaps just one of those things that happen in the heat of the moment?
Kelvin
www.likechapaa.com
—– Forwarded message from pepity@. . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 04:55:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: Janet mafunga
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Dear Joyce,
I am sorry that a friend can betray you in this way. Unfortunately one thing i have learnt is that women are their own worst enemies. It is something I have also never understood why some women find it more appealing to go after a married man.
Some would do it just out of spite. Even when you are not married. I had a “friend” once who after we had a fallout did tell another friend that she would show me that she could take my man from me… and she actually tried and failed. And I wondered why on earth would she think that getting my man would be the absolute pain she would inflict on me.
Had he gone,, then they would totally have deserved each other.
Jealousy that your family and marriage is going well according to her when hers is falling apart can also be a reason.
But that does not warrant someone especially one you have been confiding in as a friend to come in and wreck your marriage. But again on the other hand, the blame is on both sides. The man should have run in the opposite direction when it started showing signs of happening. He accepted and most probably gave her the greenlight to continue in the affair. There have been articles in newspapers in this regard but honestly let it be far from me that I am the cause of another woman’s misery because of her husband. What goes around, does come around.
Joyce take courage and try to work things out with your husband. I understand your anger and feeling of betrayal. Pole, and I hope you have written that “friend” off.
Jeanette M. Khaoya
—– Forwarded message from mkivanda@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 04:44:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: mercy kivanda
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
hello Joyce,
Sorry for the situation you are going through,i know its hurting but you just made the
wrong conclusion.Your husband is the one Married to you and not your friend,so your husband is the one responsible for the having the affair,If he had said NO (i am imagining your friend made the advances)there could have been no affair,but am guessing he is the one who let the affair go on.Well women always make the mistake of blaming the wrong person,the other woman. But the truth is that your husband is the one who has wronged you here, am imagining if he could have wanted after your counselling he will have yet another woman, will go ahead and blame the next woman?
I just hope you find the root and uproot it,instead of cutting off the branches.Sorry
joyce,i am saying this cos iam single and the number of married men hitting on me (some i even know their wives) is worrying,i just dont date married men!So the answer here is not why women are selfish or not,its why your husband cant respect your home.
Mercy
—– Forwarded message from Esther.Muriithi@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:10:20 +0300
From: “Muriithi, Esther”
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce
You mean this lady has a family? I do not take sides when it comes to this. They both participated willingly and are both sorry soo pliz cut out the sorry part of it and let your partner explain willingly how and why it happened on his part and then the two of you can seek a lasting and workable solution . If you forget to ask him now that you have the opportunity you will have to live with soo many ananswered questions. I’d also like to hear the ladies part.
—– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:47:15 +0300
From: ed moses
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
*Pole sana but I was just wondering, could there really be a reasonable answer? Whoever,I dare say, will manage to come up with a reasonable answer will just fall short of condoning the vice.*
—– Forwarded message from nemyisaacs@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 06:34:11 -0700 (PDT)
From: Nemy Isaacs
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
hi,
someone said a husband can be replaced but a father cant.come out of that shell and stop thinking he is your husband.in fact, he is our husband.
thanx.
God is always by your side even when it seems so hard on you.
You ought to know that even when friends are not there for you, He loved you before hey did.
Take heart and move on.
—– Forwarded message from caroline.ngare@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 05:33:05 -0700
From: Caroline Ngare
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
forbiden fruit is always the sweetest
—– Forwarded message from moses.edmoses.ed@ —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:36:40 +0300
From: ed moses
Subject: Why go after my husband. What if its right?
*Haya, this piece here would elicit as varied & relative opinions as there are people on the forum holding divergent views but seeing that the author is laden with many questions regarding the ‘reasons’ behind such a move, allow me to borrow a leaf from someone and see it this way:*
**
*1.One’s reason may overide one’s conscience*
**
*2.If it be that way (1 above), when faced with an ethical dilemma like your friend perhaps was at that moment in time, and being committed to a good vs right decision through the use of reason,all previous convictions held were altered, so she ‘fell’*
**
*3.People do not make decisions because they are cheap, easy or popular but because they are right. How then would she have determined the ground rules to follow in order to determine what was ‘right’ and what was ‘wrong?’*
**
*4.It is said joyce, that irrespective of our inclinations, people believe that they are behaving ethically by their own standard*
**
*5.Hence, there is not a single right and correct way to make ethical decisions and no best moral viewpoint except our own*
**
*maybe thats why she did what she did*
**
*my two cents*
—– Forwarded message from blessingnatasha@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:46:22 +0300
From: blessing natasha
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
If you can tune in to hope fm tomorrow between 11.00am to 1.00pm you will definitely get a reasonable answer.They deal with this problem like everyday.the frequency is 93.3fm .Pole,but there is hope coz atleast you are going for counselling and he is sorry .Don’t let the enemy destroy your marriage .Its ok,to be angry you are only human.
—– Forwarded message from Nicholas.Odhiambo@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:01:52 +0300
From: “Odhiambo, Nicholas”
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce.
Sorry. I think you are the problem. Do you give your husband the following;
Water for bathing,
Leading him to the bathroom,
Smiling with him when he comes to the house or when you meet,
Hugging him
Massage a little bit( the whole body with baby oil.
Cloth ironing
You dont restrict him in the betroom( no timetable). Varieties of sex styles. not the traditional one everyday.
No nagging good diet ( proper food cooked by you) praying together in the house + going to church together.
Note: The above are preventive measures not a cure.
The cure is a prayer to God very religiously.
Dr.Manyasi mar Kawili.
—– Forwarded message from v.mbeca@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:55:33 +0300
From: vicky mbeca
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce
What you are facing many women before you, with you and after you will continue to face it. I am lucky to have a frank mother who bluntly told me men are men even your own father was one. She further went and told me focus on what really made you get into it and forget roadside distractions. I always wondered but now i know what it means.
Dr Myles Munroe, yes the great teacher from Bahamas in his book love and marriage said, sex does not make a marriage neither does it break a marriage, he further goes on to say though he does not condone infidelity, but that is no reason to break a marriage over it. He further says that sex and marriage are not the same thing though they are related but do not depend each other, thats why you have singles that sexually mingle with no strings attached. Sounds strange but this book is a great read, its puts the union of two people in proper perspective and you need to get it.
It hurts i know, but thats no reason to break beyond repair. If many women were to tell you what they go through you would be in shock, and i mean shock. I have a gal friend who the hubby used to practically bring his catch home, imagine that. But today i cant tell a more happier home. Its like they fell in love over again. The man has over and over told me he regrets and now is doing everything to make it work.
Marriage is an institution just like any other in society. When we get into it we commit to its challenges and successes. The thing this current generation seem to be getting different from our parents, is the magnitude of sacrifice you have to make.
Unlike other institutions where we commit to work, in marriage we vow, thats the key. This means that we need as couples to love marriage more than our partners in order to make it work. Sounds strange i know but when we begin to Love uphold and value the territories of marriage as couples we will begin to abide by the rules and make them work. Marriage is greater than you, your partner and thats why its here to stay and people will continue to enter into it despite all the negative things they hear about it. But if those in it can look at it as an institution that has rules, code of conduct, salary, job description, appraisals and the works we will begin to get the gist of it. Thats why our mothers and fathers stuck into it for the long haul.
Don’t make the mistake of blaming the lady, she made no vow to you, and neither has obligations in terms of marriage. Look at your man, he is the one that looked you in the eye and vowed, he should have upheld his promise to you. Am no marriage counselor or one for that matter, its just my understanding of it. i hope i have helped you.
Vicky Mbeca
—– Forwarded message from odhiambo@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:58:31 +0300
From: Odhiambo ?????
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
On Tue, Jun 23, 2009 at 2:47 PM, ed moses wrote:
*Pole sana but I was just wondering, could there really be a reasonable answer? Whoever,I dare say, will manage to come up with a reasonable answer will just fall short of condoning the vice.*
Ed,
That is quite true. Noone really knows why the said act was committed, under
what circumstances, bar for the two who were involved. Every other reason being given only serves to console/condone. I think there is one reason that is plausible but wrong: When God gave the Decalogue, He knew so well that man will break them, hence falling short of the Kingdom of God.
There is a swahili saying *”kikulacho kinguoni mwako*”. I think it’s a call to choose your friends wisely.
—
Best regards,
Odhiambo WASHINGTON,
Nairobi,KE
+254733744121/+254722743223
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
“If you have nothing good to say about someone, just shut up!.”
— Lucky Dube
—– Forwarded message from mauricejoduor@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 06:03:59 -0700 (PDT)
From: maurice oduor
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce,
I feel for you sis. It is very painful to discover that someone you have given your heart to betrays your trust in this manner. The fact that he did it with a friend is like adding salt and pepper to a wound. The very first action you should take is to fire this friend. The second is to discuss the issue with hubby.
The primary culprit is your hubby and the two of you must sit down and talk about this – but with a referee (a priest, a counselor etc.). Find out how it happened and get to the root cause of his actions. If you still love him, put him on probation for a while.
The worst thing you can do now is to deny him the ‘priviledges’ or do a tit-for-tat. Your relationship is way too important to be playing revenge games as some people on this forum are advising
Let us know how things turn out Joyce. We are praying for you sis.
Courage,
Maurice
—– Forwarded message from wilsonowuor@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 06:25:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: Wilson Owuor
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
wahenga walisema “kuchambaa kwingi kutoka na mavi” – chunga dada usije ukatoka na mavi!
hivyo msamehe mmeo, sahau yaliyopita and forge a loving and lasting marriage. especially now that you are saying your hubby is very sorry. – we all have sinned and fallen short..
you know! sahau yaliyopita
Willy
—– Forwarded message from henryouma2002@ .. . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:45:00 -0700 (PDT)
From: henry ouma
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce,
Best thinking is that a husband/man can never be yours alone.What then did you expect your own friend to do ? to seek your permission? .This is how our grandmothers led their lives happily—no man is tied to you to death and vice-versa .Much as present life is marked by lots of risks and costs associated with infidelity, a lot of women cant just escape the reality of being…..Take the case of Wanjala why an’t his wives bothered ? aren’t they married women and wives?. As long as there will be unmarried women in this world, your complaints will always be there if you keep on listening to whatever you are told.
Since your husband already did it, I dont see him stop it.Dont even accept that he is sorry for what he did intentionally and what he will just continue doing behind your
back. Instead, learn to ignore all those who tell you about your hubby’s affairs outside and carry on with or without him.
—– Forwarded message from wnzuve@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 06:28:13 -0700 (PDT)
From: Washington Nzuve
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Dear Joyce,
Sorry for what happened to you. When I hear of such things I fear. First let me start by recommending that you do not pay attention to the following advice:
?Joyce,
Welcome to the harsh reality that is LIFE!!! Men will always have affairs whether they are married, engaged or searching. The sooner you accept this fact and stop blaming ONLY the woman when there were two people involved (ur hubby& the sidekick of the moment), the faster you will heal emotionally& live with caution and zero trust in ur husband. Its a TOUGH LIFE we live in!!?
?Joyce
As much as you are very angry, do u pose to think maybe the other woman is not the problem but your husband, he could still have done it with some other lady anyway, not really your friend? yaani she didn’t go after him but the other way round?
try and look at both sides of the coin, and anyway men cheat at somepoint so expect more. and focus on the reason(s) that made him stray and address them, that way u r more likely to prevent future recurrence of the same.
Blame games will hurt you more.
or alternatively kuwa na mpango wa kando to be even,
Best of luck. ?
I will add that your husband: Has done a grave wrong, cares about you and would not want to loose you (otherwise he would have denied and left the relationship to the dogs) wants things to change for the better (thats explains why he has agreed to attend counseling)I would also say that you: Deserve to be very angry, have been deeply wronged and now have a scare that may never disappear, care about your family (otherwise you would have dismissed that Casanova summarily) I am not very old (married though) but I know a few things:
The best principle here is ‘try as much as possible to keep the bonds of your marriage
together. Don’t if possible walk out of your marriage.’Many people today just look at the negative side of marriage – the limitations, the spouses’ misgivings, etc and have forgotten that a marriage can be enjoyed. Please; if if you will stick to this man then try and forget the negative side and try and enjoy your marriage. I can tell you that loneliness is much worse than that. If you do not trust him insist on a condom. This way you will not get death dealing sicknesses. I would not rule out you and him visiting a VCT center. Then when yo see the test turning blue thank God and never be ignorant again.
We are talking about your life here!Regards,
Washington Nzuve
—– Forwarded message from jombok@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:28:53 +0300
From: John Ombok
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
I have seen so much reaction from the ladies with so much anger and trying to blame the other party.
I would say pole to Joyce but I think all this is because guys we have fallen short of the glory of GOD
We have looked away from the old good guidance that we found our parents had followed and try to be ‘Wakisasa zaidi’
To sort this problem of adultery and promiscuity we need to learn from the good old guys and turn to God Almighty and repent our sins.
That is the only way Joyce and your hubby can be happy.
I wish you all a good blessed week.
Ombok
“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning
GLORIA STEINEM
—– Forwarded message from flogero@ —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 08:29:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: FLORENCE GERO
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
I agree with you Mercy, I think the husband has a problem and i’ll not be surprised if Joyce found out more hurting stuff about him ie maybe he’s even been hitting on her own sisters as well as her other friends etc..Am not saying what the ‘friend’did was right but…. think again.
Flo
—– Forwarded message from FNdungu@ —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:44:53 +0300
From: Florence Ndungu
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
They are both grown ups they are both to blame. There is no way that this chik dint know that the dude was married, besides there are women who just have a bad spirit of going out with married men. Joyce am so sorry for what you are going through but you shouldn’t give up with your marriage and please hakuna mpango wa kando as you will be punished together with him. Take heart my dear, just ask God for strength and wisdom to handle this situation. All the best.
Regards
Florence N.
—– Forwarded message from powiti@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:21:27 +0300
From: Philip Owiti
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Joyce,
Although i feel you, the problem lies in between the two of you. Sit down together (without a counselor) and chat the way forward.
But on the other angle, Him being with her for like a month is JUST OKAY.
Kwani change of diet is that bad?/?
PO
—– Forwarded message from totiaa@ . . . —–
Date: Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:22:17 +0300
From: Josh
Subject: Re: Why go after my husband
Ever realized that as a woman disclosing to your female friends how good you man is to you either in bed or how he treats you makes them jealousy and to some extent they might want to have what you having thus end up having an affair with him?When a man is good to another,,,,all women love and adore him….
To me,,,,you also might have been the cause somehow.