From: ouko joachim omolo
Colleagues Home & Abroad Regional News

BY FR JOACHIM OMOLO OUKO, AJ
NAIROBI-KENYA
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2011

Since we reported about Sister Beatrice Magoka who left sisterhood and got married to American Tyrone Wright after being a sister for 16 years we have received a lot of queries of which I thought I should respond to even though I have began my personal prayers and reflections which ends on Friday as indicated to you earlier.

Thank you also for reminding me of the error on my December January diary- I meant January 2012 and not 2013. Concerning whether Sister Magoka left sisterhood due to frustrations in religious life is something difficult for me to answer.

However, while frustrations in religious life or in diocesan priesthood can lead to marriage or leave sisterhood or priesthood, in the case of Sr Magoka what we do know is that in an interview conducted through phone calls and emails by The East African Standard is that she talked of the great love she has for her man, whom she describes as caring, loving and the best that can be.

What is very clear also are some cases where sisters, nuns or priests have left their priestly and religious vocations citing frustrations from their superiors or bishops, particularly where an individual religious or priest may respond with rational problem-solving methods to overcome the barrier in vain.

Failing in this may lead to that particular individual become frustrated and behave irrationally towards his superior or bishop. An example of blockage of motivational energy would be the case of a religious or priest who wants certain work accomplished but his superiors or bishop denies him or her permission to do that.

Another example would be the religious or priest who wants fair treatment, which include financial support for his or her apostolate, or personal needs from his superiors or bishop, in these cases, an appeal to reason does not succeed in reducing the barrier or in developing some reasonable alternative approach, the frustrated individual may resort to less adaptive methods of trying to reach the goal by herself or himself.

The symptom would be that the individual religious or priest may talk ills of his bishop or her superior. By talking ills or criticising the superiors is one way of releasing frustrations-it is one way towards healing.

James 4: 1-3 spells out what can cause fights and quarrels among people is when you desire to have something done but do not have it done, so you can even kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. But some times when you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures and not for apostolate.

Very often religious or priests who are frustrated may experience a range of negative emotions such as anger, resentment, annoyance, jealousy, distrust, or envy. Some religious or priests may also experience personal frustration when they are dealing with their own weakness, insecurity and inabilities to do something.

It may also occur when you and your superiors or bishops are encountering a communication breakdown, in such a case frustration often sets in when both of you fail to connect with each other.

It is here when frustration is not dealt with effectively it can lead to more serious emotional issues which can lead to alcoholism, anxiety, depression, phobias, loneliness and loss of self worth.

This is not only on religious or priests but also children from single parents in formations houses such as seminaries, monasteries or seminaries. There is a great concern that today there are many seminarians and those trained as religious from single parents, especially single mothers than ever been before.

That is why it is very important those who are in charge of formation houses should include in their curriculum counselling sessions, and if possible be taught in class other than spiritual directions alone.

In most cases children from single parents, especially from divorce can make children get shock, and they will need help coping with the new changes to their lives. This is because single parenting after divorce can be stressful to children, even to their parents. One thing that has shown to be very helpful is making their lives as normal as possible as they grow.

Single parent is a term that is mostly used to suggest that one parent has most of the day to day responsibilities in the raising of the child or children, which would categorize them as the dominant caregiver. The dominant caregiver is the parent in which the children have residency with majority of the time.

Given that single mothers represent a dominant aspect of poverty levels in society as many single mothers who are the primary caregiver for their children lack the financial resources to support their children when the birth father does not provide helpful support to the mother, may also cause stress or frustrations in children.

In a state where frustrations can no longer hold, many religious sisters or nuns find it easily to quit than priests because nuns have many employment opportunities, and can get work easily-some of them are qualified teachers and registered with Teachers Service Commission (TSC), others are nurses or doctors.

Some frustrated priests would like to leave priesthood but cannot because they do not have qualification as religious women have-it explains why some of them opt for married priesthood where he is still being taken care of with his wife and children.

Of course, we do not rule out that some religious women, men or priests can leave if they have found out that being a religious or priest was not their vocation other than married life. This should of course not to be understood negatively or blame them given that sex can be a powerful experience of union and love as well.

Men and women do not join religious life or priesthood because they are asexual beings (asexuality) which in its broadest sense is the lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sex but because they are fully normal human beings.

People for Peace in Africa (PPA)
P O Box 14877
Nairobi
00800, Westlands
Kenya

Tel +254-7350-14559/+254-722-623-578
E-mail- ppa@africaonline.co.ke
omolo.ouko@gmail.com
Website: www.peopleforpeaceafrica.org