Forwarded By Leo Odera Omolo
BY PETER OLIVER OCHIENG
The Famous Will
There’s a verse in the bible that says “Wise men know when they are just about to die”.
I believe the author of that verse was utmost inspired by his highness the Almighty Father because that is the simple fact of life.
And that is why most people write down their wills whenever it downs unto them that they are just about to give room for upcoming and future generations.
Otherwise, how can a sensible person write a will when he clearly knows that he’s not better placed to wave bye to this uncompromising world any time soon?
Since I was born more than two decades ago to present date, no one among those who went to hell or heaven before us ever left a famous will. The reason is that most wills range from providing heirs to wives, husbands, children, houses and acres of grabbed land among all other earthly materialistic things in the name of property.
For a very long time now, I have gone through desperate days and sleepless nights. I’ve gone through thick & thin, rain and sunshine. I’ve thought carefully and logically to produce what I now confidently refer to as “The famous will”.
“My dear wives, children, brethren, sisters and villagers (villagers are included chiefly because it takes the efforts of a whole village to raise a child).Time has come when we must call a spade a spade and not a big spoon. After birth, comes marriage and finally death. The writing is on the wall-my time has come, I have to go.
Since I was born almost 100 years ago, throughout my life as a junior, youth, middle aged man and now an old man who is just about to kiss this world an everlasting bye, I have stood the taste of time to witness the power of change on both negative and positive fronts.
Of all the changes, the most negative one has been coming out there in large numbers to feast in funerals of slain men. In the traditional African society, the trend was different as the aggrieved family used to get food donations from well wishing villagers.
From a biblical point of view, there’s no verse in the bible indicating that men ate and drunk heavily during burials. By feasting, will you be mourning or celebrating my death? I hope the point is home with all of you. Cooking food, drinking and feasting in the course of my funeral are condemned with the strongest terms ever.
As always, before the final journey to the land of the chosen few (heaven), there will be sermons and speeches from religious leaders, relatives, friends and foes alike. The holy bible always reminds us of saying only the truth so as to be set free. For those who will get a rare chance to speak, utter only the truth.
The issue of exaggerating every aspect of my life will do me no good. Of what benefit will it be to you if you stand tall and argue that I was holy than thou when all know that the word church never existed in my vocabulary? If you call me honest, many will wonder how because in death, I die with many of my neighbours debts.
How do you stand to gain if you stand before the whole village and falsely testify that I was on the fore front of fighting witchcraft when all know too well that it was not until very late that I relinguished the captain’s arm band to the villages’ witchcraft team. In order to increase my probability of ever shaking hands with those heavenly angels (Gabriel and Mary), do not be tempted to exaggerate anything about my life. Then to all speakers, do not speak to exercise your jaws. Be brief and precise.
Over the ages, there has been a raging debate as to whether women should be equal to men. Some male chauvinists argue that since Eve was constructed from Adam’s rib, there’s no way women can become a dorminant species. Irrespective of the chest thumping men, women have so far tried to hold their own account. They are nowadays fighting men left, right and centre on all professional fronts.
Leave alone professionalism, games and sports previously dictated by men have been ‘invaded’ by women. Take for instance women soccer teams like Brazil, Germany and Nigeria. These women play football like nobody’s business. All the same, they are still not equal to men.
What brings out the distinction is simple. Whereas men can dig graves, women have been denied that privilege by barbaric and superstitious beliefs imposed by men. My will is gender sensitive. Women are better placed to dig up my grave since they are the ones who toil the farms while men traverse the villages in search of drinking dens.
Women, permission is granted, brace yourselves up and dig my grave.
This is an opportunity that is extremely up for grabs. Come one, come all and prove to your male counter parts that what men can do, women can do it better and what women can do better, men cannot do. In deed, I’m bound to rest in peace if my grave is exclusively worked on by women.
Lest I forget, I’m leaving behind my pretty last wife. Although when I married her I said ‘till death do us apart’, she is not for inheritance. Not even over my dead body. I hope to meet her in the spirit world when her time expires on earth. And again, I do not need a coffin in order to go to heaven. Bye and may God bless you all.