From: joachim omolo ouko
News Dispatch with Father Omolo Beste
FRIDAY, JUNE 6, 2014
Rose (not her real name) writes: Fr Omolo I read your article on superiority complex and defense mechanism. I also like reading your articles on your website link jaluo.kom on issues of infidelity in marriage like this on here-EXTRAMARITAL SEX AND INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE Father you talked of superiority complex and defense mechanism among politicians but you forgot that even in marriage defense mechanism is even stronger.
I want share with you my personal experience. I and my husband are Catholics. My husband is even one of the respected Parish Council members in our church. One day he went to shower room and forgot his mobile phone. When I scrolled for messages I was shocked to find a message from his mpango wa kando woman (mistress) telling him to send money for his daughter urgently for school fees.
When I called the number of this woman she never hid me. She told me that my husband is her man and they have a daughter 11 years old whom he must take care for. We exchanged bitter words with her but realized this could not help. When I asked my husband about it he was very furious with me and began using defense mechanism tactics.
It is now about 4 months since I discovered this but still moves with this woman. As a Christian Father I had to separate with him for peace of mind also. He does not even feel it and actually does not care. I am really depressed and confused. We have big children and in a shock as well. Just pray for me and my family Father.”
The experience Rose is undergoing is the experience of many women in Kenya today. Social media, especially Facebook talk about it. I read one 2 days ago where a young lady put it categorically that Kenyans are secretly or openly tribalistic, serial cheaters, vanity chasers yet they will be the first to fill up the church pews on Sundays and weep like they are actually being convicted.
This is Kenya where not only married people are cheating on their spouses but even single people are cheating. It is a society where a single woman can have several men, one who pays rent, the other monthly shopping, and the other one pay school fees for children.
Mind you none of them knows that there are other men with this woman. The same with men, married or single, they have several other women elsewhere. The sad part is that people are deliberately not worried about the HIV infections.
In the Kenyan Society and many societies around the world, marriages in today do not seem to mean nearly as much as they used to in the past, with divorce commonly being the first preferential choice in modifying a married couple’s problems or troubles.
Unlike men, women are more likely to cheat in relationships where they feel that their emotional needs aren’t being met and may also cheat because their sexual needs aren’t being satisfied, or as revenge.
One of the most extreme effects of the disclosure or discovery of female infidelity within a relationship is divorce or ending the relationship. Just like what Rose is expressing on her sentiments.
It is not Rose alone. Women have become so paranoid they spend their lives electronically checking up on their husband text messages. They hack into their emails, or forward through their mobile phones.
Rose had never suspected her husband of anything. It was just for curiosity that she decided to scroll her husband’s phone and got that message. That is what made her mad at her husband, and when she tried to ask him he became defensive.
In Freudian psychoanalysis theory, defense mechanisms are psychological strategies, or habitual behavior that distorts reality to suppress thoughts and emotions that might bring up ego threat. These are tactics used to scare, manipulate, deny, or distort reality.
Like Rose, many women have turned into detectives. Out of the blue, a woman can also decide to open her husband’s emails. They have never done this before like Rose. Just for curiosity she probably suspected he was having an affair with other women.
Recently a young lady posted on her Facebook timeline, how her boy friend was mysteriously ‘late home from work’, she opened his account and there were endless messages from his other girlfriends. “It was devastating,’ she expressed”.
Some women even have issues with their men over password change on a phone, Facebook or email. Some are even suspicious whey their men don’t leave their phones behind. They go with them even to shower rooms.
Women are curious because they are far more suspicious about their men than men are about their women. There is nothing painful to the woman like husband or boyfriend having an affair with other women. That is why almost half of discussions by young ladies on Facebook is their men being unfaithful.
Fr Joachim Omolo Ouko, AJ
Tel +254 7350 14559/+254 722 623 578
E-mail obolobeste@gmail.com
Omolo_ouko@outlook.com
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