This being Valentines’ Day, I would like to clarify some issues.

So welcome to this press conference. I want to state something that I want you to hold dear and permanently in your heart.

You know, and I know, and everyone knows that I am married and have only two wives. And everyone in Kenya and my friends on facebook should know it, but hush about it because I do not want Uncle San (US) to know. But I keep getting flowers and kisses and strange comments from other women and men alike.

I want to make it very clear that I have only two dear wives, Cheruto & Olga. I do not have any other, neither is none other my valentine, nor I theirs. And anybody who knows me, and knows my family and knows how I live, know that I have only have two wives and this is acceoptable in my culture. Unless their primary purpose is to seek to become my third Valentine, no one except Cheruto & Olga should send me flowers, kisses or call me names like ‘polygamist’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’ or ‘dear’ all of which cause aspersions or diversions from the reality of normal life. For I ain’t gay or a polygamist in a true sense of the word. I will explain this shortly.

So Ladies and Gentlemen I decided to make it public and to appeal to you the public to listen to what I say. And not to continue sending me flowers, kisses or call me names like ‘polygamist’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’ or ‘dear’ for this does not help anyone else have a genuine ‘Valentine.’

I have also had to say that I have only 5 children. Jakwath & Hawi by Cheruto, and Odhis, Oketch & Ninah by Olga and her late husband who died of this mongrel HIV. I love them all very much, and they are my genuine ‘Valentine’. But how did I get here?

You see, I lost all my 5 siblings of HIV too. Cheruto, Jakwath, Hawi & I live and have all decided to stay permanently in the US but would love you to pass the dual citizenship clause in the new constitution. In so doing, I am a cursed son of my father. My father who is in his late seventies rightly worried about my house in Gem, Lundha becoming ‘Gunda’ or an empty shell. So last Thanksgiving while visiting our ancestral land, my father sought and introduced me to Olga. He wanted me to marry a local lady whose children would inherit our ancestral land. At first I was vehemently opposed to this idea until Cheruto begged me to do it. You all know that Cheruto and I want more Children and are currently not contended whith the two plus the adopted three.

Olga was also opposed to this idea initially, but after I wooed her and proposed to her, in a traditional marriage, I ‘adopted’ her as an asexual wife. You may not understand how badly I wanted to help her live with Aids and not necessarily die from it. I also wanted Odhis, Oketch & Ninah to have a good life and education and most of all, call me a father again. In doing what I never planned or until then had thought of as uncouthed or repugnant, I lived true to my traditions. My father cleansed off the curse he had heaped upon me, because he will now bequeath Odhis, Oketch & Ninah with our ancestral home and land.

So there you have it. You now know everything and I do not have to repeat it. But in case you do not know, just ask Cheruto or I. We will tell you. But seriously, it is not possible for me to go on and on repeating the same thing when some people keep sending me flowers, kisses or call me names like ‘polygamist’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’ or ‘dear.’ You know that that is Uongo and it is without the truth.
All I would like to appeal to you on this Valentine’s Day is to listen to what I say, and to think the right things and channel the right feelings to the right person. Send flowers alright, but to your loved one or to a single person whom you’ve been admiring and had no courage to ask. Verily I say unto you, many women are not married because they’ve not been asked. Don’t give up or take short cuts or alternative routes like sending fellow men flowers! This can lead to abnormal behaviour and will not save humankind.

Now I got into this very foul mood, after reading some statements today from some fella which gave stories and others calling me names like ‘Jadoho.’ I do not want to repeat, but I want to say quite frankly anyone bent on that course will see me in court or wherever they will see me, and we shall deal with him. (LOL) No other way, no other way whatsoever. For the reason that there’s no genuine purpose for people who are not my valentines wanting to continue sending me flowers, kisses or call me names like ‘polygamist’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘honey’ or ‘dear,’ I do not have such lies around my self.

So Ladies & Gentlemen, ask any questions you may have, I will be happy to reply to you. Ask now or never. Lest I too feel tormented the way Lucy felt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSlTW8mjirs

—
Joram Ragem
wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem! (Are you my relative?)