Category Archives: Joram Ragem

Kenya: Of Polygamy & Healthy Talk

To: jaluo jaluo
From: Joram Ragem

It’s early Sunday morning, and I am lying awake very satisfied next to my beautiful and flexible wife Cheruto Nyar Got. I mean she is flexible literally and metaphorically.

She has welcomed the idea of a second wife, not necessarily for purposes of satisfying my sexual needs, I mean that too, but primarily for our building a large family as God commanded us through Adam and Eve, to multiply and fill the earth. Remember never to bring forth a child you cannot care for though. May I also add that it’s for political reasons I say I need to have a large family.

Luos are being assassinated and cheated in elections and we need to change the scale in the Tyranny of Numbers equation choke! Now, let me speak to the men or women who think that the issue of a second wife is about sex. Indeed, as we age, the human male and female tend to relax a little and lose that spark that arouse the opposite sex. However, never get a second wife for that reason. She too could lose it, and you too have corrected nothing, then what? You get a 3rd, 4th….wife? The key to retaining the spark in your marriage is to be flexible literally and metaphorically.

Look, when I noticed I was not getting strong erections, I talked to Cheruto Ragem and my doctor too. The Dr thought I should try Viagra or Cialis which I did, but these medicine didn’t work for me cause my problem was psychological. Hawi Odingo helped a lot with tips on foods that work in that department. But in truth it was my brain, and you know contrary to popular opinion, the largest sex organ in the human male and female body ain’t your dick nor your breast, it’s the brain stupid! So it needs stimulation and I tell you, that’s where Cheruto for me or your partner can help a great deal.

Remember, our ancestors did not craft the word ‘Chiega’ or ‘Chuora’ for nothing. Men, there are a few things you can do though to avoid Erectile Dysfunction so you can meet Chiegi’s expectations as Chuore. Exercise your abdomen, back, pelvic and thigh muscles really good to increase blood flow to your groin and dick. Kata Otieno Aloka osewachonu maber ni ‘Kanumgo E Teko’ donge? Women, remember that God created you with a body which us guys love to see. So do all you need to do, let us see it and no sex in the dark please!

Remember the days women did not shave their armpits? Well nowadays it’s a normal thing to remove hair in the armpit for ladies. The progressive woman of today will also remove hair down there. There is really no need to spot and groom a ‘Karura Forrest’ down there anymore jowa. After all, the temperatures in Kenya stays too high for it! Well shave down there really good and see how your partner will love it. And don’t use a razor please. Otherwise you will breakout with what in Lundha my village we called ‘bundu bundu’ in South Nyanza they call ‘Okuodo’ in Nairobi they call pimples, and in Central they call ‘Boiros’! These actually are boils which in medical terms are inflammation of the hair follicles due to ingrown hair which was not removed correctly! Use hair remover lotions tho.

So as I lie here besides Cherry my wife, who is very flexible in body and mind, I let you know that I am very satisfied because of the flexibility in our relationship. We talk and do all we can to stay active. In addition to exercise and improving your looks to stimulate the brain through vision, eat the right kind of food to avoid obesity. In all, let me assure you my good people, I am up early cause I am happy, Cheruto is happy, Mr Victor is happy and so is Ms Victoria. Notice I never mentioned love anywhere, because love really has nothing to do with what I am talking about.

[The End]


From: Joram Ragem
To: jaluo jaluo


With the passing of Nelson Mandela who fought and is admired greatly for his achievement for dismantling apartheid, with the just concluded remembrance of Martin Luther King Jr who fought for civil rights for all people, and with todays passing of Jerry Okungu there is still a lot of suppression of freedom of expression in Kenya. At Mandela’s Memorial, Uhuru Kenyatta was present and he was one of those talked about by President Barack Obama who stated that there are still many hypocritical leaders who claim solidarity with Mandela’s fight for freedom but in their own country they cannot tolerate the slightest dissent.

Raila may have more details now than he knew then or even at the time he disputed the elections in court. Be that as it may, Raila Odinga is a citizen of Kenya and has every right to his opinion.

Whoever feels this opinion is repugnant to justice, or is offensive, or is maligned by it, or is a breach of peace, or a security threat, need to go to court, instead of demanding public apologies in the very media they have suppressed.

Kenya is not the ‘wild world west’ where an offended gun trotting cowboy will post empty warnings like “Apologize Or Else.” These empty, imagined or real threats notwithstanding, those sitting in the comfort of democratically acquired power need not worry, panic or get agitated.

Look, many leaders in USA publicly stated that the USA government through the CIA, or Russia, or Cuba assassinated JFK. Because of flourishing freedom of expression no sitting government official threatened a US citizen for expressing conspiracy theories.

To wit Agwambo need not be threatened. There are many who are willing to die for this man who has been cheated the presidency twice. They really have nothing else to lose if Kenya goes up in smoke.

It is Kimemia, Gichangi, Hassan, Uhuru, Ruto, Muhoro, Kinyua, el al who will regret losing the peace and tranquility they are agitating to lose. Ignore Raila to his opinion. Let Raila enjoy his freedom of expression and being in the opposition.

You have already detained him for 8 years and stolen his presidential victory twice. Enjoy your stint in running Kenya. Lets avoid wishing to be like South Sudan. Because in just a flash of a second, we could.

Movement Against Classification Of People As Black Or White

From: Joram Ragem
To: jaluo jaluo

When and where did classification of people as Black or White begin? I don’t know. When the judge asked Steve Biko why he referred himself as black yet Steve was more brown than black, Steve asked why the judge referred to himself as white yet he was more pink than white. In South Africa, Nelson Mandela and others fought and are winning against apartheid. In USA and other nations, slavery has been eradicated and what’s left is this ambiguous use of these two colors. In the next fight for equallism, shouldn’t we petition the UN to ban the use of these two terms. At best one is either Kenyan, Cameroonian, South African or at worst African. At best one is also Mexican, Brazilian, Floridian, Californian, or at worst British, American, Spanish, French, German Japanese, Chinese, Philippino or Russian. Yes we will move a step beyond where MLK, Biko, Mandela and Obama have brought us, if we stop using these two terms can be outlawed.


My Genuine Cry & Prayer For Kenya Oh God.

From: Joram Ragem

Oh God,

In just about 2 months, Kenya will hold elections to elect her 4th president.

In the last elections, there was bloodshed, death was galore, and property destruction was rampant because of actions of your children, the citizen and the politiciians.

This time the stakes are higher. Very high oh God.

If Uhuru Kenyatta & William Ruto lose, they will not only have to deal with being out of the center of Kenya’s politics for the next five years, but they will also be going to The Hague, at The ICC, in the Netherlands dear God. Give them Your Courage to face this truth with Your Humilty and with Your Grace to accept defeat without bitterness and irrational dispalcement of anger. Oh God, upon defeat at the ballot, prevail upon their supporters and fundamentalists to put Kenya first, and their personal, tribal, or regional interest last.

If Raila Odinga & Kalonzo Musyoka lose, they will not only deal with the loss of an election but the reality of not being at the center of power, and perhaps out of Kenya’s politics for ever. Let us hear them clearly tell their supporters that they will accept the outcome of the results as announced by the IE&BC and not “If the elections are free and fair.” Give them your Grace and Humilty to accept to become mere citizen in this your land we call Kenya. Oh God, upon defeat at the ballot, prevail upon their supporters and fundamentalists to put Kenya first, and their personal, tribal, or regional interest last.

Oh God, give both camps, and all tribes, and all regions your Wisdom to recognize the majic of diversifying and investing their political interest in the whole country, by allowing their kin, or tribesmen and women to join diffent parties, so we do not get a government of two or 6 tribes against others.

As for all the other candidates Oh God, Bless them to hold their own, or better still use then uniquely to help decide this election peacefully. In particular Oh God, Bless Martha Karua, Ole Kiyapi, Musalia Mudavadi, Eugene Wamalwa, Peter Kenneth, and Raphael Tuju who may all be in the ballot.

Bless all politicians all Oh God, but annoint only one to be our forth president in a clear and decissive way, for we dont want a close election.

Lastly, Bless this prayer Oh God, to be shared, to reach and touch the hearts of all stake holders, particularly the fundamentalists in either camps, or those without afficialtion.

Oh God, Bless Kenya & her wonderful people.


I remain your humble servant and prophet,

Joram Kaulikazi Ragem

Kenya: I Endorse Dr Barack Abonyo For Kisumu Governor

From: Joram Ragem

Correct Video Attached Here. Watch


Anyone who by now has not decide to run for Governor is a Johnny-come-lately and probably bad for our County. Those who have declared their interest have already failed to impress. It is time to make up your mind.

Mine is made up.

Dr Barack Abonyo is the best we have. I have tried and tested him. He has passed. He understands to commoner better cause he was born poor and was almost a school drop-out. Then we gave him scholarship which saw him excel all the way to USA where he not only attained with distinction, the highest level of education, but was kind enough to facilitate for FAMU to present Agwambo’s first honorary PhD.

Truth be told. Now others are following in his footsteps because he is already leading, can’t you see? It is said that you send your children to get education so they can come back and effect positive change in the living condition of the environment they grew up in. Who is better than Dr Barack Abonyo.

My 10th great grandfather Ragem tells me that we should let Barack rock Kisumu lest something big befall our Kisumu City and our people. Notwithstanding all their shortcomings, BABONYO, as I fondly call him is my final choice. There! I have done my part.

BABONYO biro, and it’s your turn to say YES HE CAN. BABONYO biro, Yawneuru yo!


From: Joram Ragem

MY OPINION IS BREAKING NEWS BECAUSE YOU DID NOT KNOW ABOUT IT. NOW YOU KNOW. To wit, our very own are attempting to destabilize Kenya so that a State of Emergency is called, postpone election calendar, allow Kibaki to stay way beyond his term, deny apparent opinion poll front runner the election victory, all in defiance, and impune to impending ICC trials. There are no Al Shabab in Kenya, only inexperienced home grown cowardly terroristic sycophants. They orchestrated the British dozier, exploded little bombs here and there in Nairobi & Mombasa (beginning with the period of Constitution Referendum and now during the countdown to elections) with hope of changing public opinion towards cooperation with ICC. What they need to know is that they themselves brought about ICC upon themselves, and now must go there to defend themselves. Since the promulgation of the new Katiba, Kenya is different and will continue on the path to real reforms, whether they like it or not. They should stop tormenting like night runners & terrorizing us wanting us to believe it is Al Shabaab. They should stop inflicting damage to their kin’s businesses thinking if they did it to opponents areas, they will be known not to be Al Shabaab. Stop destroying your kin businesses. Stop your silly, amateurish, cowardly, sadistic and terroristic acts and go to Hague and defend yourselves without being vague. No matter what you do, Kenya belongs to all of us, and your actions are inconsequential to Wanjiku’s resolve of an impunity-free Kenya. This is my opinion and I am breaking it as a result of freedom of expression enshrined in our constitution.

Joram Kaulikazi Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

KENYA: A Nu Killer Weapon Called PhD To Boot & To Dish!

From: Joram Ragem

Dr Barack Abonyo is my project for the future president of Kenya. I created it here on facebook, and like a virus in the lab, lost control of it, it became a-project-gone-bad, and now I must embrace it again. After all, when the wood insect gathers sticks, it must carry them along. And like the Dung insect, I am cursed to roll it, over and over like the energizer bunny. Joluo, hear me out, I ask. Like ‘Simba’ The lion cub which must be chased by the king of the pride when it is a teenager in order for it to become a man, I castigated Dr. Abonyo and successfully kept him in the wilderness. Now he has become his own man and is coming back to chase away the old lion and claim his position as King! In the beginning, before I even knew him, he defied the odds and got what most of us have tried but cannot achieve – a PhD. Then, as he was growing up, he was not a darling like Miguna, but the fiercest RAO critic. Read his old posts in Jambo Public Eye Group and in I mean he dared to tell RAO, “You will never become president, just like your father Jaramogi.” Next, he teamed up with the most extreme to brand Luos as ‘sycophants’ following RAO blindly. And to prove his point, he is one of the few who not only went against RAO, but opposed the constitution, and petitioned the court to deny us Katiba, just so he gets the the right notoriety. Well, he got the bad notoriety and certainly, it backfired on him. Yet he had to make good out of it. After tasting notoriety however bad, professorship tasted like ‘Sukuma Wiki.’Like the heat seeking missile Dr. Abonyo wanted red meat (The Presidency)! To get it, he has seen a super highway called Kisumu Governorship. Dr. Abonyo figured he has no money nor any supporters to win this elections. He is also too far away detached to campaign effectively and his sycophants are not even Kenyan: Brooklyn, Cerise, Kellog. But I tell you all, what he has is something many of us do not have, but which is pleasing to RAO. A Nu killer weapon called PhD to boot and to dish! Why? As a thinker & respected researcher, Dr Abonyo figured that many have in one way or another got RAO’s blessings during elections and they made it. Come on, lets be honest; Shabir, Jakoyo, Oburu, Orengo, Olago, Kajuang’ all made it because they found favor in RAO. Without money, and votes, what could Dr. Abonyo do to find favor in RAO? Aha! A Nu killer weapon called PhD to boot and to dish! And so, lets be happy, RAO will become ‘Ajuoga’ as soon as end of this month, and Dr Abonyo could become our next Kisumo Governor. And so, whether RAO becomes the next president of Kenya or not, we will have a younger and bright politician in Dr. Abonyo to hold on to. One whom we can field on in the future presidential game. Though I lost control of it, it has been my project all along. And yes, wether or not he has built his “Simba” or house, he is genuinely Ja Nyando not Jorabolo’s project. So please Jokisumo, embrace him for me. It shall be well. It was a dream given to me by my 10th great grandfather Ragem.

Jokisumo, bed uru mos.

I am Joram, You Are Not.

Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)


From: Joram Ragem

Dear Kenyans,

By copy of this note, I advise all those opposed to the IEBC decision thus:

Much to my not liking it, I have slept on it, analyzed the law and the circumstances and came up with the conclusion that IEBC is right in setting March 4th 2013 as the safest and latest date Kenya can hold elections.

Here is why.

1. To wit IEBC is not ready to conduct elections in August 2012, and have not announced election date for August, 

2. To wit the court affirmed that elections can only be held if either,

a) To wit the President and the Prime Minister agree in writing to dissolve the coalition by a certain date to allow IEBC set a date.


b) The term of the current parliament ends, precipitating the elections to be held 60 days after that date.

3) To wit the President and the Prime Minister have not agreed on a date to dissolve the grand coalition.

4) To wit IEBC must work within a certain time table. They must have a working date for the following reasons,
a) To give civil servants an advance definite date to resign and comply to run for office.
b) To give politicians an advance timeline conduct nominations, to file papers to run for office, allow IEBC to vet candidates, allow candidates to inspect voter registers etc, etc. There are many other protocols requiring a definite date to allow advance notice.

5. Contrary to Martha Karua assertion that the ODM should pull out of the coalition to precipitate an election, the, to wit the constitution does not allow them to dissolve parliament.

6. To wit only parliament can precipitate an election by voting with a two thirds majority to dissolve itself. This will automatically force an election.

Lets remember this, IEBC needs a date to allow timetable of steps to allow the elections to be constitutional. 


1) IEBC does not know when or if at all the President and the Prime Minister will agree to dissolve the grand coalition.
2) IEBC does not know when or if at all ODM will walk out of the Grand Coalition Government.
3) IEBC does not know when or if at all Members of Parliament will vote by a 2/3rds majority to dissolve


If I of all people can accept this date for the sake of peace, compromise, and certainty, why can’t you?

I am Joram, You Are Not.
Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: Kibaki & Kalonzo To Be Sworn In Again In January 2013

From: Joram Ragem
Date: Sat, Mar 10, 2012 at 11:50 AM
Subject: Kibaki & Kalonzo To Be Sworn In Again In January 2013
To: jaluo jaluo

From: Joram Ragem

BTW, You can now subscribe to my weekly dreams about my 10th great grandfather Ragem.

Back to my note. You heard me right and don’t get a heart attack or indigestion.


a) There is no clear court ruling regarding the transition clauses in our constitution, and

b) In the event the next general election is to be held in March 2013 as one of the possible dates suggested by Judge Lenola, and

c) Kibaki’s term of office expiring at the end of this year, and

d) There shall be no vacancy in the office of president.

To wit, Kibaki & Kalonzo will be sworn in again, as president and deputy president at dusk on Jan 1st 2013.

In the wider scheme of things, my 10th great grandfather Ragem, revealed further to me.

1) Mutula will be persuaded to withdraw the constitution amendment bill changing the date of the election from August to December. Unfortunately, the next presidents term will be 4 years and 3 months. June 2013 – September 2017.

2) Kalonzo, will be promised a 60 day presidency and will be persuaded not to run for presidency, while Tuju, or Saitoti, and others are nudged on. If they win with 50+1 vote, everything will be alright. If they don’t. “Houston we have a problem.”

My 10th great grandfather Ragem, not I, says thus: Soon after, but before June 2013, and certainly right about the time of the run-off elections, Kibaki will resign and Kalonzo will be sworn in as president for 60 days as afore mentioned.


My wise 10th great grandfather Ragem says: In the confusion, absence of a clear election date, and per the clear date of elections stipulated as August in the unamended constitution, a new election will be done in August 2014 following the arrival back into the country by those acquitted of crimes against humanity by ICC.

All in an attempt to block a certain candidate, or shorten his term in office as much as possible, in the event he wins.

I am Joram, You Are Not.

Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: Raila, Let Mudavadi Become The ODM Presidential Nominee, But Run As An Independent.

From: Joram Ragem

Tonight, I have a vision.

My 10th great grandfather Ragem appeared to me. He asked me to remove the cobwebs from the eyes of one Raila Amolo Odinga and make him see things the unusual way.

My 10th great grandfather Ragem says thus: Raila Odinga, do not run for nominations for ODM. Yes, you heard me right. Let Mudavadi become the ODM presidential candidate.

Here is why. If you allow competition, it is their intention that ODM gets sandbagged with nomination disagreements, defections and even court cases. If you insist on nomination, ODM will not present a presidential candidate in time to the IEBC. Verily I say unto you, if ODM insists on nominations it has been afore planned that ODM will fail to reach consensus, and will be time barred for the upcoming elections. Yes, their intent is to make you and ODM the Marabou Stalk. Yes they are the Hyenas waiting to laugh the loudest sir. Cant you see? ODM is infiltrated by those determined to block you from the presidency. All the polls that have come up so far indicate you are the front runner. This is not a lie. Many a politician are fixated on beating you. Many are coalescing to form alliances to amass the strength to overcome your time tested resilience. You say that competition in ODM is healthy democracy. That is a lie baba: “democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others”

On your part, here is what you must do. Run for the presidency as an independent. ODM and friendly parties must realize that, as things stand, it will be almost an impossibility to win with a 50 plus one vote. It is almost a certainty that there will be a run-off between the top two. Since all the others are intent on blocking you or the ODM candidate, and are forming alliances yet planing on running separately so the best performer is guaranteed support, so should be your strategy with Mudavadi. Either of you must be prepared to support the best performer but after the first round of the general election.

As for what people will think of you if it bothers your conscience, My10th great grandfather says thus: The child thinks the doctor is evil when the latter injects him with Quinine to cure the Malaria.

I am Joram, You Are Not.
Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: Joluo, Lady Ado, Through Me Reaches You For Advice.

From: Joram Ragem

Dear Jaluo dot com,

I liked the old jaluo dot com forum which we frequently used to help one another on matters about our culture and our problems.

I am writing this open letter as a cry for help, hoping someone, maybe the esteemed Luo Council of Elders, or any good Samaritan ma ja thurwa will help me.

Here we go.

And I am Joram Ragem, you are not.

Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

– – – – – – – – – – –

My dad died exactly 9 years ago. Before then we had been staying in Nairobi as a family of kids including our parents.

My father however, had another wife with whom they have not been in contact with since 1986 due to irreconcilable differences. I know this because my father wrote some autobiography of sorts and I have the original copy. Numerous attempts were made later to reconcile her and her children back into the family but she bluntly rejected the offer even going ahead to marry another man.

The ancestral land that had been allocated to my father has lain uncultivated for almost three decades. Recently my mother began to cultivate it and suddenly every one’s interest is aroused. The eldest uncle in our family has attempted to beat her up, One of my fathers brother’s has thrown a panga at her on various occasions and in the most recent incident my mother decided to approach her late husband’s eldest brother to report the matter. She was chased away and told she has no property in the family and they would bring back the alienated wife and take everything that she has.

It seems we have been sitting on a time bomb and now it is almost exploding. Word is going round that they intend to chase us out of our rural home and take everything. I have tried to do my research and even logic says the family has no capacity to dispense justice without outside intervention.

The other family has expressed their intentions of not ever coming back and my uncle wants this land for himself and has said it in those blunt terms. My family is ready to fore go that land but all we want is to protect ourselves from looming eviction.

P:s My mother refused to be inherited and the other family never attended dad’s funeral. The local council of elders is defunct and if any is to be called my uncle would most probably be a member of it and this would greatly hamper justice. The local chief cowards at him and is therefore, not in a position to tell him the truth if it is against his opinion. Both my grandparents are also long deceased.

I do not know what to do my people, but to ask you for guidance. Feel free to post your opinion here and you can reach me through Ajori at

I remain,
Very Truly Yours
Lady Ado

Kenya: Rapid Read & Take Regarding Raila vs Mudavadi ODM Nomination Hullaballoo.

from Joram Ragem

Dear ODM members,

It is time I ask you to look at things the unusual way. We are in the new constitution era, but most importantly we are in the post ICC defining moment. This is a different Kenya. We all knew it will be different. But I guess, we never imagined how different. Remember, whoever loses this presidential elections is out of the next government absolutely.

There are two scenarios which are both not good for ODM.

The first scenario is a ‘wag the dog’ technique that ODM might have used. Though with bad notoriety, the Ekaterina 4 have been stealing the thunder from ODM and in particular Raila. They have seen their poll numbers begin to steady and rise albeit falsely and Raila’s drop gradually. To stop this trend, it is possible that ODM has ochestrated this ‘Mudavadi vs Raila’ competition to steal the headlines. This strategy could work, but it is like playing with fire. Whereas it will attract Raila opponents to pour money on Mudavadi, like the biblical Adam, Mudavadi could fall prey, it could make Mudavadi believe he is stronger than Raila. in real time, this might have already already happened. The split is already there because were are seeing it and talking about it. Mother always said not to play with fire.

The second scenario is even worse. Remember what Mutahi Ngunyi said? “A wounded Uhuru or Ruto are dangerous politicians.” Well, it is obvious that there is overt motive in the two seeing ODM or Raila prevented from even running for presidency. In real time, with real money, this is their work.

Here is the good news. Agwambo wuod Alego, owad gi Akinyi will prevail. Here is how:

My prediction is that ODM will not have elections at all. There will be infiltration by the URP rebels who will troop back in pretex of supporting Mudavadi but their real intention is to destroy ODM. They will rightly be denied the opportunity to vote, but they will go to court and the court will issue an injunction barring ODM from holding nominations. So ODM will be caught in the mess of waiting for decision by judges, like it is already happening with election date, and whether Uhuru and Ruto should be on the ballot. This is their scheme. This I predict will happen.

So my 10th great grandfather Ragem, and not I says thus, Raila as the favorite presidential candidate must be prepared to run as an independent, notwithstanding being branded a party breaker or hopper.

I am Joram Ragem
You are not.
Yes, Joram Kaulikazi Ragem, wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

The Ten Things To Look For, To Know That Kenya Has Changed

From: Joram Ragem

#10. When elections results will not be counted in the dark and the media given a blackout.

#9. When the presumed winner is not sworn in at night like a thief.

#8. When a senior government official will heed a watchman’s order of “Panga line” and if they don’t, the watchman will pinch their nose and say, “You should know people.”

#7. When an IDP will offer accommodation to a government official and the official does and does not expense it.

#6. When Miguna Miguna offers legal advise to Mwai Kibaki and he takes it, considering that the latter does not listen to Mutula Kilonzo, his Justice Minister.

#5. When the name of the man from Mwingi and Scavenger are no longer synonymous, realizing that a man should eat, but only their sweat.

#4. When the president does not form any other tribunal or commission or task force, but acts decisively like the CEO, Commander in Chief and realizes he took the oath of presidency and cannot abdicate it nor use it discriminately on Justice Nancy Baraza because she is not Gema, but not on Uhuru Kenyatta and Francis Muthaura because they are Gema.

#3. When the AG appoints Justice Nancy Baraza to play a role in advising the government whether Muthaura & Uhuru should resign, considering that the president has not suspended her yet.

#2. When the president will realize that the Legacy we are talking about is not a Subaru.

& the number one sign to see and know that this is not the Kenya we knew is:

#1. When parents in Kenyans will gladly name their children Ekaterina Trendafilova, Moreno Ocampo and Cuno Tarfusser for changing Kenya from the way we knew it, without evoking any emotions.

I am Joram Ragem
You are not.

My Take on Baraza, Election Date, ICC & Decisions.

from Joram Ragem

Baraza may just become the first casualty of the end of the era of impunity in Kenya.

Perhaps the era or ‘Big Man’ is over. But lets hold our breath. Baraza has been accused, and a ‘grand jury’ in the auspices of JSC has indicted her. She is suspected of having misbehaved. She has not yet been charged with any criminality. Keriako Tobiko has not confirmed that she should be prosecuted. On their part, the grand jury comprising of the JSC members have recommended that she be suspended and tried.

Only next week or so, ICC is also coming up with a decision. If any of the Ocampo Six are indicted through confirmation buy the grand jury also called the pre-trial chamber, they too must be suspended. No Government official should continue to work while the trial is going on. Even Sang should be suspended from Kass FM if he still works there. Otherwise, it will make the Baraza case look worse than Lynching. Why? Look, she is accused of misbehavior, not crimes against humanity.

Lastly, here is my take on the court ruling on the election date.

I think the judges are either morons or are under the influence of certain politicians, or certain politicians drugs. Why? Look, we all know that the Principles in this coalition government have brought us where we are because of refusal to accept certain decisions or their own indecision. We gave this case to our celebrated Chief Justice, and he passed this very important decision to a junior court. The Junior court was give a case to make a determination on 3 questions. 1. Should the election date be in August as is explicitly written in the constitution? Should it be in December before the anniversary of the previous election? Or is it in January after the end of the 10th Parliament. As learned as these folks are, they did not pick one specific date. In fact, they have created a national disaccord about the date of our next elections.

Yet in memory of all who have lost their lives in pursuit of a harmonious Kenya, we the commoners must just sit on our fingers, until these folks decide for us yet again. Or else, we can liberate ourselves buy performing a civilian take over, like it has been done in many other places. Your guess is right. The former is the better option.

I am Joram Ragem.
You are not.

Kenya: Professor Wangari Maathai, So You Think You’ve Left Us?

From: Joram Ragem

Professor, Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathai,

I have no right to tell you to go quietly into that dark night. All I ask is that you don’t give God a hard time about leaving parts of our land arid and semi arid. Just ask that he sends moderate and consistent rain. I promise, we will continue your work to plan trees …. .sob. As for Harambee Stars playing on your day, wasamehe tuu mama. When they bring us glory, we will call them Wangari Stars, and get rid of this word Harambee! And Mama Wangari, you don’t stop amazing us even in your silent moment. Who would have thought of the best way to get rid of Hyacinth but you dear professor. If we can use this weed to gloriously slide into heaven like you have, our Lake Victoria environment will be rid of this Mbuta chocking weed, we will save trees and we will create more jobs. When your ‘Hyacinth/Papyrus-Safari Rally Car’ reaches the Heavens Gate, Ask St Peter to order removal of Hell’s Gate from our country. September was particularly awful. I am sure he will ask God to do it in a minute since He will recognize the same Papyrus that saved Baby Moses when Miriam left him on River Nile, when Pharaoh was being mean. They will know this is the same weed from the same waters that saved our generation, and not the kind Pharaoh was smoking or the kind some of our politicians could doping on especially those who beat you up Mama! Mama, one last thing, if you chose to be laid to rest on the Hyacinth/Papyrus bed made from those whe ain’t your tribe and particularly, Luo Nyanza, yet you come from the Highlands of Mt Kenya, you have also ended this demon we call Tribalism. Please put in a good word for us up there. Kenyans are inherently good people.

Joram Kaulikazi Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: The constitution is discovering many new Kenyans.

There is a plan. No. A scheme amongst the non-progressives, to take over Kenya from where the constitution has brought us thus far. To take back from Wanjiku what we recently an rightly gave to her – self determination, self rule, madaraka rather than autocracy. The Mount Kenya Autocracy.

There are a few good men and women in Kenya. No. There are plenty. These folks have had the courage to tell the president, ‘Sir your fly is open and the children are laughing at your checkered underwear.’ These good men and women are, Karua, Jaoko, Mutula, Nyachae, Marende, Muite, Gitobu, Gicheru, Musinga, Wako, and others. Surely if you disbelieve your co-principal, how can you suddenly refuse to follow the advise of these Kenyans whom you yourself trusted and still do?

I digress. There are some fallacies. Lots of fallacies but here below are a few that drive me nuts.

1) I am a tribalist because Raila is a Luo and I am Luo and I support him for president in 2012.
2) Raila evicted squatters and encroachers from Mau because he was getting even with Ruto.
3) Anan is a distant Relative of Raila, so he only pressured only Kibaki to share 50% of the loaf which rightly belonged to the latter.
4) Of course, Ocampo is also a Luo what with his name beginning with the letter O. So all he cares about are joluo. He is also a Raila relative and he is solely out to fix Raila opponents and not seek justice for victims and perpetrators of PEV.
5) Even though Judge Musinga took an oath to provide justice, and even though he might have been appointed by the Kibaki administration, he is a Raila puppet. Otherwise, how could he dare rule against Kibaki move in appointing AG, CJ and DDP?
6) Though Kibaki appointed folks in the JSC, Raila cast a spell over all of them. That is why they said Kibaki appointments were against the spirit of the new constitution.
7) Marende must be Raila’s cousin. He does not, and cannot interpret the Kenya Constitution despite him being a lawyer in his own right.
8) The AU is also under the spell of Raila. By asking Raila to mediate in Ivory Coast, AU decision was orchestrated at Orange House.
9) It is expected that Obama (the crooked one in Luo) will chaperon USA to use its veto power to reject deferring Kenya’s ICC/PEV case.
10) France and Britain will also use their veto power to reject deferring Kenya’s ICC/PEV case, not because it is not a government position (a government position means both principals have agreed), but because Raila is related to David (Kar Mer Orna) Cameron and Nicolas (Ser ka ori) Sarkozy
11) The UN under Ban (Bam Kim) Moon will reject Kenya’s plea to defer the ICC/PEV case because consultations were not made with Raila. They will not reject it on basis that, Kenya, under President Kibaki’s previous tenure voluntarily committed our country when he signed the ICC treaty.
12) Nothing good in Kenya moves, and no one makes a good decision independently without Raila waving his magic wand or having his dirty finger in it. In fact there are no few good men or women left in Kenya.

These are the fallacies the non-progressives want you to believe.

And so my fellow progressives, my 10th great grandfather Ragem asks you to believe that come this Tuesday, the non-progressives may show up with more desperate measures. They may come with a motion to censure Marende, to impeach and evict Raila from the position of Prime Minister, or they may regroup, conveniently but illegally marry Ruto’s UDM, then seek a divorce with ODM.

Since they may be believers of the fallacies above, they may believe that NARA (National Accord & Reconciliation Act) which is a product begotten of ODM & PNU marriage, is not their son or daughter, just because ODM has lost a lotta madiaba and looks a bit different!

Let me tell you something, in a fair court, the judge wisely shares family assets between those seeking divorce evenly and it takes time to get it, unless those the party asking for the divorce faster is willing not to contend ownership of otherwise disputed assets.

I, and not my 10th great grandfather Ragem, urges you to fasten your seat belts for a fast approaching campaign period whose elections, like Spring, may just be in the air.

Joram Kaulikazi Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kibaki, Marende & Raila

Kibaki, Marende & Raila

Kenya: KGU To Hold Elections After All.

From: Joram Ragem

Joseph Lister Nyaringo January 26 at 11:07pm


January 26th 2011

By the powers conferred upon me by the State of New Jersey as the Registered Agent Representing Kenya Global Unity (KGU), and as interim Secretary General, I hereby announce the date of elections when the following positions will be filled:

1) President
2) Deputy President
3) Secretary General
4) Deputy Secretary general
5) Finance secretary
6) Deputy finance secretary
7) Deputy Director to the board
8) Chief whip
9) Deputy Chief whip
10) Spokesperson
11) Deputy spokesperson
12) Three (3) Committee Members
13) Director to the board
14) Steering board comprising: Board Secretary for Governance and Political affairs, Board Secretary for Justice and Human Rights, Board Secretary for Economic Affairs, Board Secretary for policy formulation and project implementation, Board Secretary of Education and ICT, Board Secretary of legal affairs, Board Secretary for International affairs, Board Secretary for gender and social affairs.

The elections shall be held on 25th February 2011 during our annual general meeting (AGM) as per article (6) of our proposed constitution. On this day, KGU members shall officially ratify our proposed constitution. The venue, location, and modalities for the elections shall be announced to you soon.

The period between the date of this notice and the AGM is therefore considered as the campaign period and candidates are encouraged to campaign or hold debates in local and international media.

Potential KGU members in the Diaspora wishing to vie for any of the said positions are encouraged to register by paying their membership fee of $ 10.00, three days prior to the Election Day, in order to publish a final copy of all registered members.

Login in at: and pay $ 10.00 to become a member in order to exercise your democratic right to vie or vote the leaders of your choice. The “best” future for Kenya and the World is: Power to the People. Indeed the splendor of our diversity is our strength. The time for our global unity is here.

Members of KGU in the Diaspora wishing to vie for any of the said positions should write to me using the official KGU address below and specify the position they are interested in. This must be 14 days prior to elections. I will publish a weekly register of interested candidates.

Joseph Lister Nyaringo,
Registered Legal Agent and Interim Secretary General,
Kenya Global Unity (KGU)

Joseph Lister Nyaringo,
Registered Legal Agent and Interim Secretary General,
Kenya Global Unity (KGU)

Email: speak4all@… Lister Nyaringo,
Registered Legal Agent and Interim Secretary General,
Kenya Global Unity (KGU)
Email: speak4all@…

Joram Kaulikazi Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: Raila & Kibaki, side with impunity and end your political career & good legacy.

So, Kenya Parliaments wants Kenya to be withdrawn from the Rome Treaty that created the ICC. Kenya has always led the world from the front in athletics. When we killed each other after the 2007 elections, we almost lost all the glory and respect Kenya had in the world and our reputation as a law abiding nation was pushed way back. Now the Parliamentarians (except Karua and Kilonzo) want us to actually lead from the bottom. They want Kenya to be the first country out of some 114 countries to ever quit the ICC. They want us to quit before Sudan even thought of doing this abominable act of officially becoming a pariah state.

Oh Lord, Ngai, Were, Bahaula, Mulungu, Omwami Wanje, Nyasae Nyakalaga…..just how low will you allow our Parliamentarians to get us? Oh Baab, where is the bottom?

Ok, if this is the bottom, then let me tell what it really means:

1. This by far is the hardest ball Raila & Kibaki will ever have to play in their political life. If they allow Kenya to extricate itself from ICC, there will be consequences:

i) For Kibaki, his legacy will be inscribed in history as the only president who took office when the nation he led was the most optimistic and positive ecumenically and politically, then turned the most corrupt and hateful nation (what with 2007 PEV), then the most hopeful (what with the passing of the best constitution in Africa), to a pariah state.

ii) For Raila, his legacy will be inscribed as the 2nd Premier of Kenya, the most brilliant of leaders the country ever saw, but one who would never be president of Kenya, period.

I therefore advice the two principals as such: do not dare follow up with what the parliamentarians want you to do. It is a trap loaded with mines that are infused with cyanide. If you follow through with what they want, you will be torn open then poisoned.

Disregard the political emotions that the ICC case has caused. You are our leaders and must protect our constitution. Yes, you must turn into ICC even your own mother if this was the case in order to save Kenya. No one is guilty until proved guilty by ICC. Shield the suspects and suspects to be and you will be siding with impunity.

Reject our plea and risk our wrath at the ballot. We the people of Kenya, in the splendor of our diversity, hereby declare that should you pull Kenya out of ICC, it will never again be business as usual.

— Joram Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: ICC Minus 6 Suspects Equals Kenya’s 4th President. Are These The Ocampo Six?

Dear Kenyans,

I am sitting in my sturdy as I eat a late 47th Jamhuri Day supper. I am analyzing the news and how our politicians have been reacting to events in and about Kenya.

At this very minute, a thunderbolt has struck in my head and I remembered a note a wrote a while back.

In my analysis, I have a new dynamic to consider. What has Wikileaks done to our political equation? The equation as we know it is, ICC minus the 6 suspects = Kenya’s 4th President.

Consider this: Stalwart politicians have been quite erratic lately.

1. Ruto’s is completely unable to sit still, what with his daily cry-wolf to us about ICC and Ocampo intention knowing very well that we cannot change anything, and that the right place for him to defend his case if he is indeed indicted is at the ICC.

2. Kibaki is overreacting regarding the alleged US envoy’s secret but diplomatic opinion in the leaked cables, by alleging that the US is out to overthrow him via community activism. Please tell me how by giving Heb Mosomi a couple of thousand dollars for civic education was the US installing Heb as the new head of state?

3. Uhuru has been officially declared ‘King’ of GEMA. Being the son of Jomo Kenyatta and believing he is actually king, his demeanor indicates he would pass a lie detector test for innocence on any ICC charges. As a matter of fact, he is telling Ocampo, “Up Yours!” by his well articulated silence

4. Michuki has finally been tamed in parliament regarding his role with the Mamlukis (Arthur Brothers & Standard Raid) and he is actually quiet about it.

5. Raila, commented about incarcerating gays then recanted on it. He also flip flopped his position by urging ICC to consider the root cause of PEV. Why is the PM suddenly wobbling?

6. Amos Wako is suffering from many political diseases. Notice that during his tenure, he failed to prosecute many obvious cases which where in fact crimes against humanity. These were the Ouko murder suspects, Standard raid executors, and the Goldenberg thieves. His worst crime of omission and hence commission was failure to advise the president and direct the CJ to form a local tribunal for PEV suspects. Now parliament has rebuked him by adopting the reports on Ouko killers and Standard raid. ICC has succeeded in identifying the PEV suspects and Wako is saying PEV case at ICC is ‘Nole Presequi’ because Ocampo has only circumstantial evidence.

Kenyans, I hope you can see that these men are acting very different. I hope you can see that their integrity is wavering. I do not know if they are in the Ocampo list.

However, My 10th great grandfather Ragem says thus: Do not be fooled by the smoke screen being peddled about Ranneberger attempting a Coup de Tat through Kenyans For Change or Action Aid organizations. Rather keep your eyes on the future of Kenya. These six folks we love or hate so much could be the Ocampo six. If they are, it doesn’t matter, your tribe or mine, or whether you like them or not. It doesn’t matter that Ranneburger, Anan, Ocampo, Kriegler, Waki, Githongo, or Omar tell us that there is a fly in our Kenyan cup of tea.

What I say matters is a question of motive. Who stands to benefit if the above six are indicted by Ocampo? I know for a fact that it is not Heb Mosomi though it should be! It is the Mister In-Between Kalonzo Musyoka. Oh Please Ocampo, go easy on our six sons lest you bequeath us with such a curse.

Luis Moreno Ocampo

— Joram Ragem

wuod Ndinya, wuod Onam, wuod Amolo, wuod Owuoth, wuod Oganyo, wuod Mumbe, wuod Odongo, wuod Olwande, wuod Adhaya, wuod Ojuodhi, wuod Ragem (You may be my relative, but it matters less now. This is New Kenya!)

Kenya: Omondi Bunde Endorses Otiende Amollo

Subject: Hello Brethren
Dear Friends,

I need you to quickly endorse Otiende Amollo for Kisumu Governor. If you have not seen his work, just read the new constitution.

Thanks you.
Joram Ragem, II Esq.;

– – – – – – – – – – –

Thanks Omondi Bunde for your magnanimity. Great things await you fisher of Men!

– Joram Ragem II, Esq.

– – – – – – – – – – –

Subject: Omondi Bunde Endorses Otiende Amollo

To you all fine people of our land.

On account of what is currently transpiring in Kenya, I would like to withdraw my intended candidacy for Kisumu Senator. Instead I would like to ask you, all my supporters, to Endorse the very able Otiende Amollo, for Kisumu Governor. With my prayers and the help of my campaign director Joram Ragem, Otiende is The One!

I also want to take this opportunity to thank all my ardent supporters. I ask them not to be disappointed as I will work very closely with Gov Otiende Amollo in realizing the dreams of as fishermen, you my fellow country men and women. It’s a promise, I will still teach you all to fish and no one in Kenya will go hungry again.

– Omondi Bunde.